Back Together ~ pt 2

❤︎︎ Twenty-One ❤︎︎

I didn't come home for 3 days... I only decided to finally show when I actually looked at Lando's messages and I felt like the worst person in the world

Lan ❤️
Lex, you've gotta come home.
Liliana needs to be fed and
I've run out of your milk.
sent on 31st August 2026

Lan ❤️
Lexi, please, Liliana won't
stop crying out for it and
she's refusing to take
any formula I give her
sent on 1st September 2026

Lan ❤️
Lexi, please, come home.
Liliana hasn't been fed at
all
sent on 2nd September 2026

Lan ❤️
Alexa, I swear to god! Come
home now!
sent on 3rd September 2026

Lan ❤️
Liliana is in hospital. She got
too dehydrated from not
having anything. Please just
come to the hospital.
seen on 3rd September 2026

I felt like complete shit. I made my way to the hospital and found Lando & Liliana... her little body all hooked up to different machines and medication drips... all because of me. Lando didn't actually yell at me... he just came up to me and pulled me in his arms so we could both cry. I hated myself for what I did to our baby girl. 2 weeks old and already in hospital because of me.

"this is all my fault... if I didn't run off then she wouldn't be in this state... look at her... she's like a 2 week old baby in hospital for dehydration... she could die and it would all be my fault..." I said

"No, baby. It's not your fault. You couldn't have known she would get this sick"

"but I knew that she refuses formula. I knew she wouldn't get fed for ages but I still went. this is literally my fault"

"Listen to me. This isn't your fault. You didn't know what would happen. You needed some time away, and I understand that. But now Liliana needs you. She needs her mummy"

"it's all my fault... our little girl could die..."

"Lexi... shush. It doesn't matter if it is your fault or not. All that matters right now is you being by Liliana's side. She needs her mama"

"my brain just can't stop making me think that I'm doing everything wrong and that I'm failing her..."

"Lexi, stop right there. You're not failing Liliana"

"but my brain makes me feel like I am..."

"Your brain is wrong, Lex. You're not failing her. You're giving her everything she needs. love, comfort, and security"

"but she's laying here in the hospital because I wasn't there to give her milk..."

"Lexi, this isn't your fault"

"it is... I was the one who ran away and didn't leave anything behind for you to feed her with... I knew that she wouldn't take formula either..."

"Lex. It's not your fault. You were scared and didn't know what to do"

"it is my fault... everything is my fault"

"No, it's not. You need to stop blaming yourself. You're an amazing mum who loves her daughter more than anything else in the world" he said. We just sat in silence for a while. Liliana got back up to strength after a couple hours. I fed her literally every drop I had. We got home and Lando decided to run a bath for her. We had put off her first bath for 2 weeks and we needed to give her one. He was in the bathroom and I was on the bed with my knees up and Liliana resting on my thighs looking up at me as I held her tiny hands

"mama's trying, baby girl... I'm really trying for you... mama's not always been very healthy mentally and it causes mama to do stupid things but I'm hoping you'll fix me slightly... I'll get better for you, Lils... I promise I'll get better... I'll fight more against my brain and I'll stay strong for you... I've gotta put you first now... no more falling into my mental health's traps... I've gotta look after you so dada can go do his races... win races for you... you won't understand yet but one day you will... you'll understand everything that mama has been going through... but not yet... you're too young for that... you're not even a month old..." I said to her with tears in my eyes. Lando heard everything he was in the doorway. He sat on the bed next to me and held my hand with Liliana's little hand still in mine.