Back Together ~ pt 2

❤︎︎ Twenty-Six ❤︎︎

I was eating like crazy. It had been about a week and my portions were getting bigger and bigger. I had made pasta and I was on my 3rd plate of it.

"Babe, we need to talk about your eating. You're gaining weight and it's not healthy" he said

"It's fine!!!" I said

"It's not fine! You need to take care of yourself, sweetheart. I'm worried about you" he said

"Don't be. I'm fine" I said. But I wasn't fine. I had developed my comfort eating disorder again... the next morning he made eggs and I had made multiple extra ones for myself. I even ended up raiding half the fridge.

"Lex... this is getting beyond a joke now. You're eating too much and you're gaining weight way too quickly. It's not healthy" he said. I looked up from my phone for a quick second before pressing order on my McDonalds. It got delivered pretty quickly. A 20 box of nuggets, a mcflurry, a large fries and even a Big Mac all for myself. "Lexi, are you just trying to make yourself fat or something??" He said. I looked at him and sighed.

"it's not about that... I'm comfort eating again and I don't know how to stop... I'm going back to how I was when I was 14 to 19. I'm comfort eating again"

"You don't have to do this alone" he said as he took my hand

"it's not like I can go back now... I've already gained weight"

"Lex, you're perfect just the way you are"

"I'm not. just look at me. I'm a fat bitch now"

"That's not true"

"it is true. I've gained stupid weight over the last like week and I look like shit. I've been eating like 10,000 calories a day and I don't even know how I haven't thrown up yet"

"Lexi, you are not a fat bitch"

"I am!!!"

"Lexi, stop. You're not a fat bitch" he said while holding me in his arms. "Look, I'm going to show you some pictures of yourself. Just look at them and tell me what you see" he said as he took out his phone. He found one of us laughing at a race. "I dare you to tell me you don't look beautiful in this moment"

"I don't. I look horrible. I've not got any makeup on in that and my hair is greasy in it"

"You're wrong" he said as he found another photo. Another one of us laughing

"I'm fucking ugly. I've got spots all over my face in that and my braces looked like shit"

"Stop it. You look great in those photos" he said as he found another. One of me on our Bora Bora trip.

"I look like shit in that too. I've got too much makeup on in that and it looks horrendous. my boobs are also uneven and my burn scars are on show"

"Lexi..."

"Not my fault I'm fucking ugly" I said. He gave up on showing me pictures. He took me upstairs to the bathroom and put me in front of the mirror

"You're beautiful. Just look at yourself"

"I'm not. I'm a fat bitch" I said as I went to our bedroom and put my head in my pillow. Liliana was sleeping in her bedside cot right next to me.

"You're not, Lex"

"I am!!!" I screamed and then I woke Liliana up... Lando groaned and took Liliana in his arms and took her out the room while I bawled my eyes out into my pillow. I couldn't stop crying until he got in bed with me. He tried to talk but I refused to let him until he grabbed my waist and pinned me to the bed with him on top of me.

"We don't go to bed angry at each other. Now talk to me" he said. I shook my head and grabbed my lighter. I ran out of his arms and to the bathroom and locked the door and I could hear him banging on the door harder than ever. "Alexa!!! Open the fucking door!!!" he said. "Alexa!!! Open this fucking door right now!!!" he said even louder. "Alexa Jade Norman, I swear to god open this fucking door!!!" He said while still banging on it. I didn't open it. I refused to.