Back Together ~ pt 2

❤︎︎ Thirty-Five ❤︎︎

He gave me some sort of meditation exercise and I didn't even attempt it. I acted it out for those three weeks or whatever it was. I was smoking behind his back. I had actually been getting away with it. That was until Christmas Day when we were at his parents house. I said I was going outside for a breather but turns out he followed me to the front door and then saw me smoking outside.

"I thought we agreed..." he said. I literally stood there in fear.

"Lan... I... it's... fuck..." I stuttered.

"Hey, listen. I've been thinking..." he said

"That you wanna leave me...? I get it if you do..."

"No, Lexi, never that. I was thinking that maybe we can find a different approach...something that might help you more than forcing yourself to meditate"

"there's nothing that works, Lan... you know this" I said with my eyes brimming with tears. "I'm not gonna cry on Christmas... I'm not gonna cry on Christmas..." I said with my lip quivering and my hands shaking so much that I dropped the cigarette. Luckily I stood on it so nothing would have caught fire or anything like that.

"I understand how hard it is. But I promise you, I won't give up on you" he said. And with that, he pulled me in for a cuddle and I burst into tears in his arms. He knew I couldn't cry in front of his family so he snuck me into an empty room and sat on the floor with me while holding my shaking hands and trying to calm me down.

"I'm always such a fucking problem..."

"No, baby, you're not a problem. You're just going through a tough time right now. And I'm here to help you through it" he said. I couldn't help it... I started to have an anxiety attack but he saved me... he actually managed to calm me down before I could pass out...

"that's the first anxiety attack I've survived... the first one that I've not passed out from or ended up in hospital from..."

"You're so strong, Lex. And you have me to help you through anything else that comes up. You're not alone. Now, why don't you tell me what triggered this attack?"

"you finding out that I started smoking even though you told me not to... I thought you were going to leave me because I lied to you..."

"I could never leave you... And I understand why you felt the need to keep this from me. You thought I wouldn't love you if you smoked" he said. My breathing was getting bad again...

"Lan... i think I'm gonna have another attack..." I said. But once again he saved me from passing out again. Although I did zone out for a while and then fell asleep in his arms.

*Lando's POV*

My heart was completely breaking for Lexi... she wasn't well and I honestly had no idea what to do for her. I just knew I had to be strong but it was so hard to be strong at the same time. I carried her to one of the spare couches and wrapped her up in a blanket before going into the corner of the room with my mum. I just needed her... I needed my mum... she knew. She knew that Lexi had an anxiety attack. She could see it from her twitching on the couch in her sleep. She did it every time she had an anxiety attack. My mum wrapped her arms around me and I basically broke down. I couldn't stay strong any longer... I had to let it out.

"It's just so hard... I want to make it better for her, but I don't know how to anymore... everything I suggest just doesn't work" I said through my tears. My mum nodded while still holding me close and then I felt two little arms wrapped around my leg... Liliana was trying to give me a cuddle... Liliana was never good with dealing with other people's emotions. She just didn't know how to react and that's the main reason why Lexi never wanted to cry in front of Liliana. But she was actually showing sympathy... I was so proud of her... I bent down to her level and held her in my arms.

"Love you, dada" she said. My heart melted every time she called me dada...

"I love you too, baby girl" I said. Liliana stayed cuddling into me but then looked at Lexi and pointed saying "mama?" in a confused voice. I didn't want Liliana to see Lexi like that... I turned her head back to me. "It's okay, sweetheart. Mama just needs some rest right now" I said, but she turned her head to look at Lexi again. We all had something to eat while Lexi was fast asleep and when we were meant to open presents; Liliana didn't. She was just zoned out while sitting next to the couch that Lexi was sleeping on. "Hey, Lils..." I said. No response. "Liliana, look at me" I said. She turned her head but I could tell she was still completely zoned out. "Liliana, I need you to listen to me" I said. Once again, no response. She stayed like it for an hour. She literally refused to take her eyes off Lexi. "Liliana... baby girl..." I said. No response. "Liliana" I said in a slightly louder tone. No response. "Liliana. Stop staring at mama" I said. Still no response. I don't know what came over me but I turned her head and lost it. "Liliana!! I'm talking to you!! Stop acting like this!!" I snapped. She instantly broke out of her somewhat trance and she looked at me in fear. I knew I had fucked up. She literally cried in my arms for ages. I felt so alone in that moment. Like I was a failure to both Lexi and Liliana. Luckily Lexi woke up at about midnight. It wasn't the Christmas I wanted but we got to have our own little mini Christmas that night. Just us three opening our presents.