Back Together ~ pt 2

❤︎︎ Twenty-Three ❤︎︎

Grace brought Liliana back after our little session and she honestly looked like she was gonna murder me. She had spit up all over her and a blowout all over her too. I honestly wasn't surprised. That was my little Liliana Rose.

"I am never fucking babysitting your child again" she said as she passed back Liliana to me. I laughed and closed the door and I could smell the blowout. Her baby grow was completely fucked. I took it off after changing her nappy and I went to look for something else for her to wear and then I saw something that I didn't think I would see. Me and Lando were wearing hoodies and sweats from his latest merch collection and it had Lilies and Roses all over it. The thing I saw was a little baby version of the sweats and a little jumper that had the exact same LN logo with Lilies and Roses on it. He didn't release it with the collection but he had it made especially for Liliana so she could match us. It brought tears to my eyes.

"Lan...?"

"Oh, that's for Liliana"

"that's so cute..." I said with a pout and teary eyes "she'll look so cute in that..."

"Don't cry, Lexi, it's just clothes" he said with a small laugh as he wiped my little tears

"you know I get emotional over small things..." I said. And then I realised that the Lilies and Roses were for Liliana. Liliana Rose... and it made me even more emotional. "oh my god... that's why you did a lily and rose themed collection... you did it for our little girl..."

"Obviously. She's my inspiration for everything"

"you're literally the best dad ever to Lils... me and Lils don't deserve you..." I said with a big pout as I changed Liliana into the merch.

"You deserve the best, Lexi. And I'm determined to be that for both of you"

"you're so perfect sometimes..."

"Perfect? Well, I do try my best"

"she looks so cute matching with us..."

"She's definitely a natural model"

"sometimes I don't believe that I'm living because of our perfect little girl... I feel like she's too perfect for this world"

"As long as we have her in our lives; we can make this world a little bit brighter"

"I wouldn't trade her for the world..."

"And neither would I"

The next day it was finally Lando's birthday. I knew that Lando wasn't extremely excited about turning 27 and doing his practice sessions too but I knew I would have to make the day somewhat enjoyable for him. He decided that he would do the practice sessions and a couple interviews and then we would just stay in the hotel room for the rest of the night and cuddle up to watch a movie with some takeout which he definitely was not meant to eat on a race weekend but he didn't care. It was his birthday and he deserved to have something decent instead of just a plain salad. We got down to the track and he did the first practice session and then we got something to eat. I fed Liliana and then I had something to eat. Lando hated me for it but I still loved it. Having a wrap with tuna and tons of mayo in it. He always made sure I had gum after it. Lando had his normal chicken wrap with some pineapple in it and we both felt quite full from lunch. Lando did his second practice session and then a couple interviews. We were going to head back to the hotel but Lando wanted to do an ice bath and he wanted me to do one too.

"what if I get hypothermia again though...?"

"You won't. I'll be right here with you the whole time, and we'll make sure to get out before it gets too cold"

"I'm scared..."

"Hey, look at me. You're not going to get hypothermia again, I promise. We'll go slow, and we'll be careful" he said. I let out a deep breath and put Liliana in the baby seat next to the ice bath. I basically told his team to fuck off as i undressed to my underwear and of course I forgot to put a bra on that day so I put got in with my tits out basically. It was fucking hell in that ice bath. I hated it. I put my clothes back on the second I got out of there.

"I wish I wore a fucking bra today so I could have worn one in this... might have protected my tits" I said while literally freezing my tits off in there.

"You know, you're always complaining about how uncomfortable bras are and now here you are wishing you had one on"

"yeah well try having a wire poking in your armpit every 5 minutes when it breaks. I don't even need to wear a bra everyday because my boobs are so small"

"Lexi, you don't have small boobs. We've been over this"

"they are small though. they're like a C. possibly even a B. I don't know how there's enough milk to feed Liliana to be honest"

"They're not small. Besides, it's not just about the size of your breasts"

"it kinda is... isn't it?"

"No, it's not. It's about you. And you happen to have beautiful breasts that are perfect for feeding our baby girl. They have a bigger purpose than me just being obsessed with them now"

"No. They're something I hate. I hate everything about myself" I said as I fully submerged myself in the water. I honestly don't know what came over me. Lando literally had to pull me out of the water and wrap me in a towel. "why can't you just let me die???"

"Because I love you too much to let you go!!! Now stop doing stuff like that!!!"

"I wish you didn't so I could just die. just send me to a fucking mental hospital at this point"

"Never"

"but I'm obviously too fucked in the head"

"Lexi, you're not crazy!!"

"I am!!!"

"No you're not!! Now, listen to me!! You're going to pull yourself together and apologise for what you just said"

"No!!"

"Yes!! Now, Alexa!!!"

"No!!!"

"Fine. You want to be this way? You want everyone to think you're crazy? Then that's exactly what you'll be. A crazy person who couldn't even appreciate the love and support of her closest friend" he said as he started to storm off.

"oh so you're just gonna refer to yourself as my friend??? you're my fucking boyfriend!!! you're technically my fiancé even though we never call each other that!!! you're the father to my child and now you're just gonna walk away on your birthday when I'm struggling the most??? I get it. I'm fucked up in the head. I'm insanely fucked up but if you really loved me you would stay by my side!!!!" I yelled. He immediately stopped and turned around.

"Lex... you know I would never walk away from you. Or our baby"

"but you fucking tried to!!!! just fucking forget it, Lando. I'm going to a different hotel room for the night and I'm taking Liliana with me. happy fucking birthday"

"No!! Please don't take our daughter away from me too!!"

"should have thought about that before trying to walk off. give me the night apart and maybe I'll let you talk to me in the morning"

"Fine" he said. I had ruined his birthday. I was the worst person ever