That Summer Night of August

Kabanata 41

New Years's Day

["I'll get you there in the afternoon, love."]

"Are you sure? Kinakabahan ako, Gabriel," I said to the phone. "What if your family won't like me?"

["They will love you, Dee. Believe me."]

Bumuntong hininga ako saka tumango kahit alam kong hindi niya iyon makikita, "Okay, see you later, then."

["See you later, love."]

Iyon ang huling sinabi niya bago pinatay ang tawag. Gabriel's mom invited me have dinner on their house. This is the first time that I will be going to Gabriel's house, the first time that I will meet his family. He kept bugging me before, but I wasn't just ready to come out during that time. But right now, it makes me happy and nervous at the same time.

I sighed heavily, I'm still uncomfortable to go outside. I still get scared if someone I don't know touches me. Even in crowded places, I get scared.

Veronica and Lawrence sent me several texts and called me nonstop after Jake's imprisonment. Pero ni-isa n'on ay wala akong sinagot. I know they were just worried, but I'm still scared to touch my phone. I'm afraid to see something on the internet that could hurt me again.

I put the phone down and stared at it for a while. It felt like a lifeline and a threat at the same time. I knew I had to face my fears eventually, but the thought of it made my heart race.

Pabagsak akong humiga sa kama saka huminga nang malalim. Looking back after my graduation after senior high school, my life changed a lot. Maraming nagbago. My perspectives, goals, and even the people around me shifted. Dati, simple lang ang buhay—school, home, school, and home. Pero ngayon, everything feels more complex and daunting.

Nilingon ko ang paligid ng kwarto. It felt both like a sanctuary and a prison. Ang daming alaala—some good, some bad. This was where I found solace, yet also where my fears seemed the most real. I knew I had to make a choice, to either stay in my comfort zone or take a step towards healing.

I lay there for a moment, feeling the weight of everything. My mind drifted to Gabriel's words and his promise that his family would love me. Gusto kong maniwala sa kanya, but the fear was overwhelming.

I reached for my phone again, thinking of texting Lawrence or Veronica. But as soon as I touched it, the anxiety returned. Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko, trying to calm myself. I needed to be strong, if not for myself, then for Gabriel. He believed in me, and that had to count for something.

After a while, I got up and started to get ready. Inayos ko ang sarili ko, I wore a white shirt on the inside, paired with a moss green chore coat, and I tucked in my white shirt on my khaki chino pants. As I looked in the mirror, I reminded myself of how far I've come. This was just another step forward.

"Okay, Dee," I whispered to my reflection. "You can do this."

I checked the time. Gabriel would be here soon. I took another deep breath, and looked at my reflection.

"You've come a long way, Dee," I said to my reflection.

Nang matapos akong mag ayos ay bumaba na ako at nadatnan si Dad sa living room na imiinom ng tsaa. Napalingon siya sa akin at kumunot ang noo nang makita ang ayos ko. Napalingon ako sa paligid ng bahay nang mapansing ang tahimik nito ngayon.

"Going somewhere?" He asked.

"Yes, dad," I said, sitting on the couch in front of him. "Susunduin po ako ni Gabriel. His mom invited me for dinner."

Dad nodded before taking another sip on his tea, "How are you, son?" His voice was gentle but firm.

"I don't know, Dad," I said, looking outside the glass sliding door. "But I'm getting better."