That Summer Night of August

Kabanata 21

Mabilis kong iniligpit ang mga gamit ko na nasa lamesa matapos magdiscuss ni Gabriel. It was a Differential Calculus subject and I literally can't focus because he was always looking at me! Nakakahiya. Baka kung ano pa ang iisipin ng mga ka-block ko. Nauna akong lumabas kina Veronica at Lawrence, napasulyap  ako sa kung saan nakaupo si Gabriel at abala itong nagchecheck ng mga papel sa quiz kanina.

Gabriel was just a temporary  substitute because our prof on that subject has something to attend to. So as the top on their class, he was assigned to take in charge while the prof was gone.

Napahinga ako nang maluwag nang makarating ako sa university kiosk. Para akong lumulutang sa  buong oras ng klase dahil hindi ako makapag-focus. His forest green eyes were too fucking beautiful looking at me. God. The last time I looked at it, it made want that eyes to only focus on me. I want it to look at me. Always. Naramdaman ko namang nakasunod sa akin anng dalawa kaya't umupo ako sa bakanteng bench.

"Was he really our prof? He was so young." Lawrence muttered as he sat on the bench.

Suminghap naman si Veronica habang nakatingin kay Lawrence saka umupo sa tabi ko. "You weren't  listening."

"Because it's the first day of  class."

Tama rin naman si Lawrence. Kapag unang klase ay hindi gaanong nagdidiscuss ang mga prof, kadalasan ay pagpapakilala lamang ng sarili. Pero iba ang nangyari kay Gabriel kanina dahil pabida siya, bigla itong nagpaquiz para raw marefresh ang mga utak namin.

I looked at my watch and noticed that it was lunch time already. I wasn't able to prepare my lunch since I still have nothing on my fridge. I am not used to have my lunch at school's cafeteria, it will just give me panic attacks.

"Tara, lunch."

Narinig kong aya ni Lawrence kaya agad naman akong umiling sa kanilang dalawa. I'm still not sure if I will be able to endure my fear that I don't even know where it came from. Most of the time, I can't understand myself. Every time I tried to understand myself, I just always end up crying - having my panic attacks.

"I, uh, maybe I'll just pass."

"Are you sure, Dee?" Roni asked.

"Yeah. I packed my lunch." I lied.

"Oh. Ganito nalang, bibili nalang muna kami ng food sa cafeteria tapos hintayin mo kami roon sa kiosk." Paliwanag ni Veronica.

Magsasalita pa sana ako pero agad nang umalis ang dalawa. Kumaway pa sa akin si Lawrence. I just released a deep sigh. What am I supposed to tell them if they noticed that I actually don't have my lunch? Iniling ko nalang ang aking ulo saka tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo sa bench at mahinang naglakad sa gitna ng hallway.

The hallway was packed with students who had a free period. Some of them were seniors, while others were freshmen like me. This was a feeling I was missing. Walking through the halls with the students making a deafening noise. I missed the feeling of everyone being so preoccupied that they couldn't care less about my existence.

I wished that it'll be like this, but I knew in myself that the moment I stepped out of this school, I would be my father's son again. The attention of the media will be on me again or on my brothers'.

Nang makarating ako sa kiosk, agad naman akong umupo at hinintay sina Lawrence at Veronica. Kung dumating man sila ay sasabihin nalang na kumain na ako habang naghihintay. Natigilan ako nang biglang kumulo ang aking tiyan. Fuck. Inilibot ko ang aking paningin sa buong paligid upang maghanap ng vending machine, para man lang may mainom ako o makain.

Napangiti ako sa sarili nang mahagilap ang isang vending machine sa dulo ng hallway ng east wing katabi ng dean's office. Tatayo na sana ako nang may biglang kamay ang lumitaw sa aking harapan at iniabot ang isang packed vegetable salad. Inayos ko ang aking salamin sa mata at tumingala para makita kung sino iyon.

"What are you doing here? At least buy some food for yourself, you'll starve." Gabriel said as he placed the container on the table in front of me.

"I was about to,"

"Shush, just eat that." He cut me off before he sat down beside me. May dala rin siyang salad at canned soda.

"I wanted to apologize earlier. I wasn't able to pick you up." Gabriel muttered.

"Ayos lang naman 'yon. I understand."

"No, I made you wait for nothing. I needed to go with White. His car overheated."

Napayuko ako matapos niyang sabihin iyon. Wala naman ako sa lugar para masaktan pero bakit ako nakakaramdam ng lungkot sa tuwing binabanggit niya si White? Hindi ko alam ang sagot, at hindi ko rin nais malaman ang sagot dahil alam kong hindi ko rin iyon magugustuhan.

"You really care for him, huh," I said with my head down.

"I just feel indebted to him. He was the one who helped when I needed help. I was just returning the favor." He replied. His voice was low, but it was enough for me to hear it.

Tumango naman ako. "Thanks for this, by the way." Turo ko sa packed salad na binili niya para sa akin.

His forest green eyes stayed at my gray eyes for a while, but I was the one who quickly avoided his stares. I heard him chuckle before placing his food on the table before us. Gabriel's movement was always gentle, which was what I liked about him the most. I moved back when Gabriel started leaning on me. But I immediately stopped when I was already at the corner of the bench. Gabriel continued to lean his  face towards me. I could feel my heart racing, it's about to explode. He stopped leaning when his face was only a few inches away from me.

I could already feel his cool mint breath.

"I do really want to kiss your lips right now, but I know how much you value your personal space."

As Gabriel grabbed his salad and started eating, I sat there in a state of bewilderment. My mind was racing, trying to process everything that had just happened. His words lingered in the air, and his gentle kiss on my nose left a tingling sensation. I couldn't deny that there was a certain attraction between us, but I was caught off guard by his boldness.

Feeling the need to break the silence, I mustered the courage to speak. "Gabriel, I... I appreciate your concern and the gesture, but it's a bit overwhelming."

He looked at me intently, his green eyes searching for something. "I understand, and I apologize if I crossed a line."

Tumango ako, iniintindi rin ang kanyang perspective. "It's just that personal space is important to me, especially considering the circumstances outside of school. I don't want to complicate things."

Gabriel's expression softened, and he nodded in return. "I respect that, Dee. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or complicate things either. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way."

Kumonti ang tensiyon sa pagitan namin, at tahimik kaming nagpatuloy sa pagkain ng ilang sandali. Habang kinakain ko ang salad, hindi ko mapigilang mapansin kung gaano ito kasarap. Mukhang may alam si Gabriel kung paano pumili ng tamang bagay, kahit pa halos hindi niya ako kilala.

After we finished our meal, I looked up at Gabriel and smiled. "Thank you again for the salad. It was really thoughtful of you."

He returned the smile, his eyes filled with warmth. "You're welcome, Dee. If you ever need someone to talk to or if there's anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to reach out."

I appreciated his offer, and it made me feel more at ease knowing that there was someone willing to lend an ear. "I'll keep that in mind, Gabriel. Thank you."

When Lawrence and Veronica came, they exchanged curious glances, but I simply shrugged, signaling that everything was okay. Gabriel bid us farewell and went on his way, leaving me with a mix of emotions.

Throughout the day, I couldn't help but think about Gabriel and the connection we seemed to share. The encounter had left a lasting impression on me, and I found myself wanting to know him better. However, I reminded myself to proceed with caution and take things slowly.