seven souls seven sins

chapter 91: bad idea right?

Xavier's pov:

"I'm worried for her." Chase speaks up. "Yeah me too." My twin adds on as Chase drives us home from football practice. "She hasn't left her room for days." I state with a guilty conscience. "Oh yeah? I wonder whose fault is that." Xander snaps at the both of us. "Look, it was in the heat of the moment." Chase tries to justifies our actions last Monday dinner.

It was now Thursday and things haven't gotten much better so to speak.

"That doesn't make what you said to her any less hurtful." Xander remarks. "Yeah well revisiting the subject isn't going to make it disappear. We said what we said, end of story." I shut my twin up. "Are you fucking for real right now?" Xander scoffs and shakes his head in disbelief.

He starts again. "She can't keep herself up right without needing to hold onto something. You shitheads did that."

"She's just been eating less, she's fine." Chase points out and turns into our driveway. "You call her lying in bed because she's too weak to move, fine?" Xander's eyes widen in annoyance. "Her blood is on your hands, not mine." My twin slams the door shut once we enter the garage.

"He has a point." I sigh and leave Chase with his thoughts and me with mine.

Natasha's pov:

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

The clock hanging on my wall chimes exactly every second. It seems as if that's the only consistent thing in my life at this point. Everything just leaves. Everyone just leaves. I'm alone, I was always destined to be. I have nobody left. I am a nobody. I slouch against the balcony railing with a cigarette in my hand.

It feels as if gut eating bacteria is devouring me inside out.

I'm so numb nowadays. I don't even know what day it is for fucks sake. I'm a mess and a loser. I'm an unlovable piece of shit who does nothing but make others distance themselves from me. I just exist to serve no purpose at all. It got me thinking. What if the only way to not feel bad, is to not feel anything at all?

Nothing at all. I like the sound of that.

I don't have the energy to pretend that I'm okay anymore, because I'm not okay. I don't have a will to live at all. I want everything to end. All of it. I'm drained to my very core. It's too much. It's like I can't get a break. Sleeping is too hard when you can't stop thinking, faking a smile has gotten more difficult now that I don't have anyone to fake it to.

I just need it to stop. I need everything to stop.

I hear voices all the time that hound my head. I'm useless. I'm worthless. I'm a burden. Just a constant whirlwind of reasons why I'm not cut out to be apart of this world. Haven't I given enough? I've tried my best. I truly did. But all that's done has shown me that I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough, for anyone ever.

I don't recognise myself anymore.

I clench my stomach with pain. If I'm being honest, the only thing keeping me alive are my nutrition pills. Another beep emerges from my phone. I don't even have to look to know who it is. He's been constantly badgering me for the past few weeks to meet up. The strangest part about all this is that he still thinks I like him. Can he not take a hint already?