Dollface

Part 52

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Numb; robbing me of feeling or ability to react.

The thick well of tears building in my eyes blocks my visual focus, blurring the lights into nothing but glittering rays. I stare endlessly at the ceiling, flat on my bed, drowning in nothing but my worries.

I've never felt this before. It's a feeling I never really got used to, despite the hours I've endured it. That such a spiteful spark of betrayal would corrode every functioning emotion in my body after I slowly lost the ability to comprehend what had just happened, I couldn't understand.

Every muscle in my body lost the motivation to move, leaving me sprawled on my bedsheets that seemed to sink me into an abyss of paralysis.

I was just so exhausted.

I remember crying. Crying for hours. Choking on my own pain through gasping breaths. I felt too much agony, so much anger, so much frustration, the amount of tears falling from my eyes left my face red and puffy, I couldn't even bring myself to look in a mirror.

That was the previous day anyway. I didn't sleep, no matter how exhausted I was, I couldn't, Simon would walk by every now and then and just for his sake, because I felt some compassion, I would make a noise or cough to make sure he knew I was still here and still alive.

There was never anything fascinating about the ceiling above me, but I would give anything to distract myself from my petrifying thoughts.

I am suddenly startled as a loud bang echoes outside my bedroom, followed by the sound of glass shattering as my feet hit the cold wooden floor of the hallway, I am only drawn to the sight of Simln with his fist against the wall.

His head hangs low as he breathes loudly and heavily, my silence lengthening as I stand there. I notice a mess of broken glass to his left. I run a hand over my cheek and let out a sigh that immediately causes Simon's head to snap towards me.

His dark eyes held flames of anger behind them. The angry, hurt look gave me a slight fright. Nothing new.

But then his face softens a little, though he doesn't move or say anything. This man is so incredibly twisted, but at the same time he's the same man who insists he loves me.

After a moment of silence, he finally decides to speak.

S: Baby-
I: Stop it.

The name makes me flinch and I shake my head, already feeling the pain returning.

He walks towards me and I try to turn around, but then I'm wrapped in two muscular arms and pulled to his chest.

I: Stop it.

I choke out, a painful lump in my throat as I forcefully press my hands to his chest.

I: God, just stop-
S: Just listen to me.
I: I don't want your explanation!

I sniffle, my eyes tingling with tears.

I: All you've done is lie to me.
S: I know, shit, and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I'm not lying when I say I love you, Isa, and whether you believe me or not doesn't matter because it's true.

Hot tears start streaming down my cheeks again and I slap his chest as hard as I can. He doesn't even flinch.

I: I hate you!!

I cry in his face and sob uncontrollably.

I: I hate you for lying to me! I hate you for not telling me you were working for my damn ex, even if it was to protect me! I hate you!
S: I know that, dollface.
I: Stop calling me that, it doesn't make anything better! It doesn't even comfort me anymore!