Dollface

Part 51

S: All I ever wanted to do was protect you.

He whispers in a soft and hoarse voice, sending shivers down my spine.

S: I can't...I won't hurt you. I don't want to, ever. You have to kill me first.

His words give me the undeniable desperate need to understand him, but that doesn't change what he did. My lips press tightly together as I stifle my sobs and close my eyes.

The pain I feel in the depths of my heart ached me, it took all my courage to speak again.

I: I d-don't understand...y-you worked for my ex-boyfriend? Against my father?

My mouth pours out the first things that come to mind, unable to hold back the stuttering and sniffling. His silence was enough to confirm that.

S: Adam's father adopted me when I was six, That son of a bitch your ex is my brother.

My body stiffens, the realization hits me like a sack of bricks, Simon is Adam's adopted brother?!

I-...I don't know what to think.

I pull my body back, finally releasing my arms from around his neck and letting them fall to my lap. My eyes stare down at him wide in shock, lips parted as I wait for him to continue.

S: Do you understand how much it's taken to see you both almost every day, madly in love with someone who doesn't return the same affection?

God no, please don't do this.

S: Truth is... I wish I did. All the time I wished it was me when he spoke to you, I wished it was me when he held you, I wished it was me, damn it, when he kissed you, I wished more than anything in the world, I was just a lovesick teenager, falling in love with a girl who never knew he existed, watching her fall in love with his own brother... and you were stupid enough to think he loved you too.

My deep breaths begin to slow as my whole face sinks. The pained look he gave me with those dark eyes sent a wave of sympathy through my entire body.

S: And five years ago, when your father burned down the information he brutally abused, I was never so angry in my entire life. I remember finding it so incapable of believing it. None of this made any sense to me, for someone to hurt such a delicate angel as you...

His hand reaches up to my face, his fingers gently tracing my cheek as if it were the palest skin there was. Every uncomfortable feeling in my bones completely dissolved with the single touch, lifting a weight from my shoulders. My head leans ever so slightly into his hand, wanting to feel more of him.

Every time this man touches me, everything else in the world becomes a blur and I can only focus on him, only him.

S: My angel.

My heart hits the floor. Every limb in my body stiffens, freezes instantly, he just stares up at me, moving his hand from my cheek to gently stroke my bottom lip with his thumb. His slick tongue pushes out of his lips, moistening them as he loses himself and stares at mine, almost in a trance.

S: I wanted to rip that sick bastard's head off.

He snaps out of his daze and looks back up into my eyes.

S: But then he disappeared, soon I learned that our father died and of course the mafia is transferred to him. I had no choice but to follow his orders no matter how absurd the task was.
I: Y-you were told to kill me?
S: Yes...

His head hangs down, hanging from his shoulders as if they are barely connected.

S: My goal was never to kill you, it was to bring down your father, to gain his trust, but Adam ordered me to kill you...

Tears start to form in my eyes again as a thought crosses my mind.

I: How many times have you really thought about killing me?

I sob, feeling my face burn hot, not really wanting to know the answer.

S: Isa
I: How many times? Hm? Were you an asshole to me just so you could make it easier to kill me?!

I try to raise my voice, but it was too shaky and I keep choking on my words, and of course he hates it when I raise my voice, so he clenches his jaw and snaps back twice as dominant.

S: That was the case, but now everything is different. I would never-
I: Liar, liar, you never cared about me, it was all a lie!

I scream. The wall I built for so long after recovering from my relationship with Adam crumbles.

Simon cups my face in his hands and pulls me towards him. My hands grip his shoulders from the sudden pull.

S: Listen to me, damn it. I would never have killed you. I just wanted you to hate me. Hate me because I hate myself too for ever doing this for you.

He confesses firmly, wiping away my tears over and over again that seem endless.

S: Sorry dollface, please forgive me.

My mind goes into complete overload over emotions, I couldn't take it. I can't take this.

His plea brings back memories of when we were in New York, when things were simpler, when I didn't know the truth...

"S:...I'm sorry about your father.
I: Are you sure because you didn't sound the least bit sincere?
S: I'm not apologizing if I don't mean it."

I lean my forehead against his, bringing our faces so close that I could feel his nose touching mine.

S: My main priority is you, and you still are. I did everything I could do to save you, to protect you.

I felt unbearably exhausted from the tsunami of emotions that hit me all at once, leaving me in a mess. My voice stopped working and I buried my head back into his neck, sobbing.

At this point, all of my walls of security were broken down and my vulnerability was fully exposed. Despite the betrayal I felt towards Simon, I couldn't help but cling to him, hoping that this was all just a nightmare and I would wake up in his arms to things as they were.

But this isn't a nightmare, this is all real.

Z: Simon, you need to take her to her room.

I hear Zendaya insisting from the doorway, don't even bother looking up at her, how much did she see? How much did she hear? Oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed.

Without another word, I feel Simon grab my thighs and wrap them around his torso before he stands up and carries me out of the bathroom.

Once we reach the familiar surroundings I know as my room, he carefully lays me down on my bed where I'm still shedding my depressed tears. He kneels next to me and runs his fingers through my hair as he watches me curl up to my side to look at him.

S: Before I leave this room, I want you to know that I love you, please remember that. I'm sorry.

~~~~~~~
Should we forgive him?