Dollface

Part 81

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I end up in the shower for hours before resting restlessly on a bed of cold sheets and pillows, in a position that would normally make me fall asleep so quickly, but I couldn't right now. I lose sleep at the thought of finding Isa.

The more minutes pass, the longer they seem to get. I just can't fall asleep, her mesmerizing face smiling and staring straight into my soul plays in my head like a VHS tape playing. I miss her...I miss my baby girl. I miss her face, her voice, her eyes, her lips. I want her here with me, here where I know she's safe.

About 10 minutes pass and I finally find myself drifting off into a deep sleep, holding the pillow close to my body as if it were her, the mere thought of her brought me a feeling of peace and finally I was cold.

Isa's POV
My lips curl into a satisfied grin as my arms wrap around Liv's neck from behind. A boxing trainer who generously spent time teaching me to fight, her kickboxing class turned into a personal training center for me, and only me .

Her three-year-old son plays with toys and ignores the laughing, breathless women on the blue mats. I feel alive every time she knocks because she is indeed a remarkably skilled fighter.

In preparation for October, I separated myself from thoughts of my family and kept in touch with my grandmother from time to time. Emily refuses to talk to me for some reason and even though I miss Simon's affection that he always gives, I bite my cheek every time I start to long for him.

I don't know when I decided to just not bother finding him. I wanted to let go of everything...literally everything. Distrust upon distrust and lies, liars, even my own family lies, they can't tell me things, they avoid telling me things that could potentially endanger my life. My mind rejects anything that has to do with the subject of Simon or my family.

Breathing in heavily, Liv tightens the elastic in her big curly hair.

L: Okay, okay, that was the third time I got out. I'm pretty sure you can kick anyone's ass if you can kick mine.

A laugh escapes my mouth as I tuck a strand of my slightly sweaty hair behind my ear.

I: I mean, if I told you how much I wanted to kick someone's ass my whole life, you'd be surprised.
L: Not really. I feel the same way. I mean, how do you think I escaped Tyler's abusive father?

She murmurs to me, squinting and rolling her eyes as if her past abusive marriage wasn't anything colossal.

L: The only reason I created a class for women was because I hate hearing how defenseless we are.

I don't answer her right away. I'm immediately flooded with flashbacks of my life. All these times my father wanted someone to take care of me because he didn't think I could survive. It made me feel limited. I grew up where the woman had one role and the man the other, the man had more power, dominance.

When Simon used to call me a fragile thing, I believed it because that's how I was treated all the time. Simon actually believed I was fragile and he felt the need to protect me. Even though it's clear that I loved him, and I still do with all certainty, I know that he didn't want to make me change. He just felt like that. That's how I appeared to almost everyone. I was a laughingstock to Adam. Now I wanted to laugh at her.

Liv's eyebrows furrow, her brown eyes looking at me intently.

L: Are you okay?

She asks in surprise and I blink quickly, shaking my head.

I: Yes, just thinking.
L: About what?

I press my lips together and she sighs, reaching for her water bottle and taking a sip.

L: You know you can tell me, Isa. Not everyone is after you.
I: I don't know...
L: Isa, I'm just Liv. No one out of the ordinary, just a single mother worried about her trainee. You can tell me, I won't bite.
I: I just - I never really tell anyone this. As always.
L: Well then, tell me first. If it's something personal for you, you don't have to tell me, but you're always safe with me.

I purse my lips and pause in thought. Trust issues were common now, but I wondered why I didn't trust someone like Liv, who is so blunt and obvious about everything, who talks to me about her problems as if they weren't drastic problems, who helped me for weeks, like I can defend myself.

I: Would you believe me if I said that my father is an important leader of the Italian Mafia?

I watch her reaction closely and she stares blankly, I continue with her silence.

I: And right now I haven't seen him in a month. I ran away with someone who worked for him and betrayed him in the process but this guy, well... I fell in love with him. We got into a lot of shit, now I'm homeless and I don't know where he is. I feel like I have people trying to kill me on my ass 24/7 and it's all just fucking crazy-
L: Wait a minute.

She pauses to let me take a breath after my incessant chatter.

L: You are the daughter of one of the most wanted criminals in the world?
I: Yes.

I assure her, giving her a trusting look so she knows I'm not dangerous in any way. Well, I shot Roy, but it was purely self-defense.

I: And I know it sounds terrible, but I swear I never intended to hurt anyone-
L: Normally I would never believe something like that. I think it's a load of bullshit but for some reason, and I don't know why... I believe you.
I: You're not afraid, are you?
L: Why should I? I had a pretty shitty life before, and so do you, coincidentally. And look, we're figuring our shit out.

She didn't seem the least bit afraid of me, which was a relief to say the least, but I could see a little bit of confusion on her face, which is completely understandable, not everyone she talks to turns out to be the daughter of one high-ranking criminal.

L: Come on, and if that's not badass then I don't know what is.
I: It's really terrible.

She scoffs, waving her hand to shake off my pessimistic outlook.

L: Well what I really want to know is this guy... the one you love.