The Religious & The Damaged (UNDER EDITING)

11

Elias

  School's over, and I'm standing outside the school while I wait for Nick and Kelsey so we can walk home. I lean against the stone wall, a cigarette in my hand at my side as I stare in front of me.

  My gaze wanders, and I look to my left as Joseph walks by. I quickly catch up to him.

  "Joseph!" I call out, and it seems to startle him.

  He turns and looks at me, his eyes meeting mine, and I smile. "Hey." I say.

  He doesn't respond, but I assumed as much.

  My smile fades when my eyes drop to his bruised cheekbone, and I subconsciously reach a hand out to touch it—but he moves back from my touch, and it makes me aware of what I just did.

  "Shit. Sorry." I say, and I take a step back. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I just feel bad that Nick punched you."

  I see a slight smile on his lips, but it's quick to disappear.

  "He'd never apologize because he thinks he didn't do anything wrong, so I'll do it on his behalf. I'm sorry." I finish, and he huffs out a laugh.

  "I don't need anything from you."

  He's trying to sound harsh, but his demeanor gives off something else; it doesn't quite fit his tone.

  I let my smile tug further as I say, "We don't have to be enemies." He seems caught off guard, and his cheeks turn a light red. "You know that, right?" I ask.

  "I-"

  "What's going on?"

  I look over my shoulder at Nick, and he looks worried, so I smile reassuringly.

  "Nothing. We were just talking." I say. "I'll catch up with you guys in a second."

  Nick huffs out a laugh. "No way I'm leaving you alone with this dick." He remarks.

  "Please?"

  Nick looks at me from Kelsey, who nods at him—and his gaze softens.

  "Fine." He says, his voice; stilted.

  Kelsey takes his arm and tugs him away, and she gives Joseph a look I only get a glimpse of before they're far away from us, but it seemed friendly. I look at Joseph.

  "So, I-"

  "I have to go." He says, and he's quick to move past me.

  I turn. "But-"

  He paces off before I can get the chance to finish my sentence, and I sigh.

  Well, that didn't go so well.

  I end up standing there a little longer than I should—just staring in the direction that Joseph went off into. He's still in sight, but it's slight.

  I don't know what I'm supposed to do. It seems the more I try, the more he pulls away.

  Should I just give up? Am I just wasting my time?

  The very thought makes me feel sad and defeated because I really want this to work. I want to be his friend. But how can I when he makes it almost impossible for me to make any progress?

  There must be something else going on, right? Why is he trying so hard to pull away from me? What makes him so sad and angry?

  I quickly snap out of the trance I find myself in, and I turn and catch up with Nick and Kelsey. I slip between them, and immediately, Nick takes the cigarette I forgot I was holding.

  "How'd it go?" Kelsey asks.

  I look at her and shrug. "He left."

  "Ah, what?" She sounds disappointed, and I can't help but wonder why—but I don't ask.

  "Yeah." I look down. "I don't know what else I can do." I say, and she takes my shoulder.

  "Don't give up. I'm sure he'll come around eventually." She attempts to encourage me.

  Nick groans. "Don't tell me you're feeding into this nonsense too, Kels." He says.

  Kelsey laughs softly. "I can't help it."

  "Just be careful, man." Nick says to me, and I smile. "I still don't understand why you care all that much, especially after he punched you."

  "I still care because I know that's not who he is. There's more to him." I defend.

  "How could you possibly know that? You barely know the guy." Nick asks.

  "I just do. Trust me."

  His expression softens from his amused state and he huffs as a gentle smile tugs at his lips.

  "Fine. I trust you, but it's your funeral."

  I laugh. "Whatever, man." I reply as I nudge into him with the side of my body, and he repeats the action.

  I won't give up. I wouldn't want somebody to give up on me if I was in Joseph's shoes, so I won't give up on him.

  But it's going to be hard—very, very hard.

~•~

  I walk into Nick's room and take a seat on the makeshift bed on the floor Nick had made for me last night, and I take out my textbook and notebook to do my homework.

  He turns on the tv and starts to play Super Smash Bros—at least that's what it sounds like.

  "Hey, have you heard anything from your dad?" He asks, and I pause.

  A sense of sadness runs through me with the sudden realization that I haven't. I haven't gotten anything from him.

  And the questions: Is that what he wanted all along? Am I enough? swirl around in my head, leaving a twisted feeling to form in my stomach.

  "No.." I say, and it hits harder than I thought it would.

  "Shit, man." He replies, and I just nod. "You know you can stay here as long as you want."

  I smile up at him, but he's still staring at the screen. "Thanks, man." I say. He doesn't speak after that, so I look back down at my homework.

  I wonder what Joseph's doing right now.