The Religious & The Damaged (UNDER EDITING)

46

Joseph

I look up from where I sit on Elias' bed as he walks into the room, a first-aid in his hand. He sits next to me with some distance between us, which I appreciate, and he meets my fragile gaze.
"Can I touch you?" He asks.
I nod slowly. He directs his gaze down as he takes ointment from the kit, and he begins spreading it across various bruises on my face, and I wince at the little pressure he puts on.
"Is this okay?"
"Yeah..." I reply, and he moves to another.
My eyes shut briefly and I reach to take his opposite sleeve into my grasp, and he pauses.
"I'm sorry. I can stop if it's making you uncomfortable-"
I shake my head. "No, it's not that. It just hurts." I'm quick to say, and there's a short pause.
"I'll go lighter." He speaks softly.
I hold onto his sleeve as he begins applying the ointment again—his touch gentle and caring. I open my eyes to look at him.
He looks concentrated, but his brows are furrowed upward, showcasing his concern and his eyes are heavy with sorrow. I hate that I make him worry still.
"Thank you, Elias..." His gaze meets mine, and his hand stops. "For still caring about me after everything I put you through." His gaze softens, and I look down as his hand falls into his lap. "And for what it's worth, I meant what I said.." I gulp, anxiety creeping into my chest as I meet his eyes. "In the bathroom." He looks down. "You don't have to say it back, but I just thought you should know."
"Yeah..." He smiles softly at me. "Thanks."
I nod and look down. It's silent until I ask, "Is your father okay with me staying here?"
"I haven't seen him yet today, but he'll be okay with it." I nod and lean back against the headboard. "Are you tired?"
"Very."
I look up, and he's smiling sympathetically.
He says, "You should sleep. I'll sleep in the living room."
He moves to stand, but I grab his wrist. "No.." He pauses. "Please don't leave." I plead, clear desperation in my voice and gaze as I meet his eyes.
He moves next to me, his back against the headboard, and I lay my head on his chest. He wraps his arms loosely around me, and I immediately fall into a deep sleep.

I wake up at the sound of the door closing and the smell of various breakfast foods. I glance up towards the door, and Elias smiles shyly.
"Hey." He speaks softly. "I was just about to wake you."
"What time is it?" I ask.
"1 o'clock."
I knew I was tired, but I didn't think I would sleep so long. I've been tired a lot. I haven't slept properly for months—I've been having nightmares.
"Are you hungry?"
I look up as he sits at the edge of the bed. I gulp as my eyes downcast, my chest heavy with anxiety.
"No." I answer, flatly.
He stammers shortly. "You should eat something. You don't.. look so good." I gulp again; frustration rising. "You don't have to eat all of it, but-"
"I said I wasn't hungry." I snap, my gaze lifting towards him.
He stares at me with wide eyes, seemingly caught off guard, and I am too—to be honest.
"I.. I'm sorry, uhm.." My eyes are unfocused now as I try to take back my sudden burst of frustration. "I don't know where that came from." I say.
"It's okay. I shouldn't have pushed you."
"No, it's-"
"I'm just worried because you look really sick and I remembered that you tend to not eat when you don't feel control." He rambles anxiously, and I begin to feel guilty—but I just lie further.
"I'm just still full from yesterday's lunch."
He stares at me for a long moment, and I know he doesn't believe me, but he just nods and places the plate on the dresser next to him. I stare at him with a sad expression, though he's not looking at me.
"Can you just hold me?"
His head turns, and he stares at me for a second before nodding. "Yeah." A slight smile is audible in his voice as he scoots back and holds his arms out.
I lean into his touch and lay my head on his shoulder, my face buried in the crook of his neck and I take in his scent—I've missed it so much.
I relax in his hold, my heart races with anxiety, but I desperately want to be held by him, so I do my best to ignore it.
"I've really missed you." He says, and the sudden break of silence makes me flinch. "I tried to forget because it seemed like you didn't care anymore but.." My gaze is unfocused as I stare at the empty space between us, and he sucks in a breath. "I couldn't. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't let you go and it really hurt. It felt like we were always hitting walls because you didn't want me to get close, and it made me feel really unwanted, like whatever was bothering you, I wasn't good enough- you thought I wasn't good enough and it went on for so long that I started to believe it."
"You're more than enough, Elias." I say. "It was just complicated."
"I know that now, but I didn't then. I guess, I'm just sorry I didn't sooner."
"Don't apologize." A light breath slips from my lips at the sight of a sudden tear falling, and I move to look at his face. "Why are you crying?" I ask.
He sniffles and lets out a light laugh. "I don't fucking know." He wipes his cheek swiftly, and I smile sympathetically as he speaks again. "Just knowing who I am now and being here again makes me happy."
I can't help but laugh at his words and just the sappiness of it all. I take his face into my hands and swipe my thumbs across his cheeks as he lets out another lighthearted laugh.
I say, "You've turned into a softie over these past few months, haven't you?"
He scoffs and pushes at my shoulder playfully. "Shut up." He replies, and I wince at the force of the push. He immediately notices. "Shit. I'm sorry. Are you okay?" He speaks frantically.
I force out a slight laugh. "Yeah, just maybe don't hit me?" I suggest.
"Right. Sorry."
I smile, and he smiles too.