The Religious & The Damaged (UNDER EDITING)

14

Joseph

  I walk out of the school building, and immediately, I feel an arm hook around mine and I flinch.

  "Hey." Kelsey greets me, a smile too big on her face.

  "Hey?" I reply.

  "Mind if I walk with you?"

  "You kinda already are." I say, and she huffs out a laugh.

  We walk in silence, and it's peaceful. It's nice. She's walking next to me, her arm still hooked around mine that rested at my side, and I don't return the gesture, but she doesn't seem to mind.

  "So," She says. "Elias mentioned that you spoke to him today," She lets out a short laugh. "And he was excited about it."

  I shrug. "I just said hey."

  "Yeah, but it was a nice hey." She claims, and I look down at her—a sort of amused expression on my face.

  "You sure you guys aren't just reading too much into it?" I ask.

  Her expression turns pitiful, but it's slight as she asks, "Why won't you allow yourself to see you're doing a good thing?"

  My eyes widen as I'm pulled to a halt.

  The question felt heavy on my shoulders.

  She's right, but if I were to allow myself to see that, I'd have to admit everything, and I'm not ready for that and I don't think I ever could be.

  I'm still not even sure if what I feel is what I feel.

  I look to my left, at Kelsey. And she's staring at me, her expression; confused.

  No. I can't ask that.

  I look in front of me and I walk. She follows shortly later, and my gaze meets her. I'm quick to look away, and I'm tense.

  "Let's go to the gas station." She breaks the silence, seemingly noticing my tense demeanor.

  I nod. "Sure." I say.

  She tugs me across the street and we walk through the automatic doors.

  It's bright, too bright—seemingly bouncing off the white walls and floors. The floors are sticky, and there's numerous stains, all colorful.

  The cashier looks very bored as they half-heartedly scroll on their phone.

  I follow Kelsey through the aisles as she collects various snacks.

  My father would kill me if he caught me eating junk food. He would often get angry at my mom when she would give me candy, so she'd wait until he was gone and say that it was our little secret.

  Since she left, I haven't had candy because my father didn't want me to, and I strive to be the ideal son.

  But I can't be that anymore, not with this burden on my shoulders.

  "What's your poison?"

  I look at Kelsey and my brows furrow. "What?" She gestures to the coolers next to her. "Oh, uhm.." My eyes grow unfocused as I examine what they have to offer. "Waters fine."

  She groans. "Okay, no." She says, and she turns away to open the door to the cooler. "Dr. Pepper it is."

  She shoves the bottle into my hand, and I look down at it; my heart begins to race as my mind wanders through every single word that my father would say about this.