The Religious & The Damaged (UNDER EDITING)

48

Joseph

I walk into school, Elias by my side as I follow down the crowded hall. He shrugs off his coat and shivers at the sudden temperature change—his body adjusting to the warmth.
"God. It was freezing out there." He says.
I open my mouth to speak but a sudden weight on my back stops me, and I jerk forward as my hands instinctively take the legs that wrap around me because I know it's just Kelsey.
"Hey, Kels." Elias greets her.
A giggle slips from her lips. "Hi, Lias."
I follow Elias into the stairwell, and Kelsey drops from my back. I shove my hands into my pant pockets. Elias takes a cigarette from Nick, and I stand awkwardly next to him.
I still don't feel comfortable around Elias' friends, other than Kelsey, obviously. I know none of them are very fond of me but put up with me for Elias, and that's my fault for being such a jerk; making everyone as miserable as I was. I'm still miserable, but now I have some sense of human decency. I can't help but hope that one day they'll forgive me for Elias' sake. I know he wants us all to get along, and that's why he still brings me around them. All I can do is try.
"We should have a sleepover this weekend." Kelsey says, and it breaks me from my trance.
"We can't have it at mine. My mom works early on weekends." Nick says.
"Yeah, same." Kelsey adds. "Spence?"
Spencer takes the cigarette from between his lips to speak. "Nah. My parents banned sleepovers at my house from last night."
"Right."
They all seemingly look over at Joey in sync, and my head turns, like the sight of them doing it forced my head to follow.
She looks to each of us—a blank look on her face, then it turns annoyed.
"Don't look at me. You know how my mom is." She says, her voice full of sass.
It sort of scares me.
"Lias?" Kelsey speaks.
I look over at Elias, and he looks at me, then at the group.
"We can't use my apartment. Sorry."
I furrow my brows. "Why not?" I ask, my voice low.
He looks at me with a moment of silence, then says, "I figured you wouldn't be comfortable, and they don't all know you're staying with me."
"I don't want to get in the way of you being with your friends. I can just go home-"
"What? No. No. You're not going back there."
He seems frightened by the idea of me going back home, and it makes me feel bad for bringing the idea up and that it has gotten to that point where he worries about that kind of thing.
I gulp lightly, a single nod of my head. "Okay, then I'll stay while they come over." I say.
"Are you sure?" I nod. He smiles. "Okay." He looks in front of him, and I turn. "Actually, we can use my apartment."
"Fuck yeah. Okay. I'll bring the drinks, and Nick, you can bring the snacks-"
"And I'll bring the games." Spencer interrupts Kelsey.
I look back down at Elias, and he smiles at me. I smile back.

At lunch, I walk into the cafeteria from the bathroom. My gaze drifts to Elias' table, and he notices me and waves me over, so I walk over. He pats the seat next to him.
"I saved you a seat." He says.
I sit and wrap my arms around my stomach as I lean forward to hide any view of how skinny I've become, but then I remember it's seen in my face.
I look across the way at Jillian, who's having a conversation with Kelsey.
I guess Elias ended up apologizing. I'm not surprised. I thought I heard them talking in his room last night.
"Not eating?"
I look to my right. Elias holds a concerned look, and it's clear he's trying to hide it.
I look down at the table, then back at him. "No, I'm not that hungry." I say.
His lips curl down into a slight frown that he tries to stop, and he looks down at his tray.
He's worried and overthinking, it's obvious. But I don't have the energy to reassure him because I don't want to feed his head with any more lies than I already have. I'll say that I'm fine, and he'll know that I'm lying. He'll get more worried. I'll feel more guilty. And I simply don't want to lie anymore. The simple solution is to just eat, but just the thought of it and not having that control because I'd feel pressured into doing it, it brings a overwhelming twist into my stomach that feels too familiar to me now, and that somehow feels worse than making him worry.

I stand when the bell rings, and I wait as Elias puts away his tray. He steps next to me, and I walk to the exit. He takes my hand in his, and it catches me off guard. I'm about to pull away, but I don't because I have no reason to hide my relationship with him anymore.
I don't live with my father anymore, and that feeling feels really good.
I hold his hand back—my fingers pressing against the back of his hand. My hearts racing, but it's a good feeling.
It's realization that this is okay.
I look to my left when I feel a body nudge into mine, and Kelsey grins suggestively at me. I can't help but smile at her.
I'm glad she's feeling better. I wish I could do more for her.
"I have to go to my locker." Elias says, and our eyes meet as he tugs me with him down the hall.
I nod. "Okay."
I follow him. He stops at his locker, and his hand slips from mine.
"I was thinking of going to your dad's house with Kelsey and Nick to-"
My eyes widen. "What? No." He looks at me. "He'll hurt you, and I don't want Kelsey anywhere near that neighborhood." I speak without thinking.
He turns to me. "What? Why?"
I stammer.
No one but me knows about what Kelsey's father does- did to her; I would hope he has some sort of brain to know I'll come after him if he does it again.
"Nothing. Why would you go to my house?" I redirect.
He looks surprised by the question, and says, "You need your things. They belong to you."
I look down and shake my head. "I'd actually like to never step foot in that house again," I look at him. "And you're sure as heck not going there either."
"..Okay."
"Promise me. You won't go."
He nods. "I won't go."
He gives me a reassuring squeeze on my hand, and I return it with a slight smile.
My racing heart settles—his reassurance and gentle smile washing away my anxiety.
He closes his locker and leans into me slightly, our hands still interlocked at my side. Heat rises to my cheeks at the sudden break of space, and he grins up at me—his head tilted far back to meet my gaze.
"Can I walk you to class?"
"Yes." I answer.
He lets out a small laugh that sort of sounds like a giggle, and he walks ahead. I turn, but I'm forced back by a sudden punch across my face, and it's a hard hit; it leaves me seeing stars and my father staring at me with tainted eyes, but when I look to see who it is, it's someone I have never met.
I stumble before just managing to stand upright, and he punches me again. I fall back against the lockers and I hear Elias' pleas to stop the senseless attack, but I can tell this person wasn't about to give up so easily and I have no idea why this is happening or what he wants me to do.
I hold my head in my hand as my body bends over and I struggle to not stumble over my own feet. My eyes shut tight; my vision is darkening.
I'm too weak to fight back.
"Come on, Olsson." He shoves me back. "Fight back." He shoves me again. I stumble further back—anger burning hot inside me, but it's overpowered by my lack of energy. "What are you going to do?" Amusement is clear in his voice.
I look up at him and blink a few times, in an effort to regain my vision, and Elias is tugging at him.
"Stop, dude. What the fuck. Leave him alone!"
I try to speak.
I want to tell Elias to stop. I don't want him involved.
He shoves Elias back into a wall and shouts something inaudible to him, and that's when I feel a rush of adrenaline no starvation can weaken.
I launch myself forward and he stumbles back from the punch I send to his face.
"Joseph, don't." Elias appears in front of me, but I watch the guy as he grins menacingly at me—his chest rising and falling at each passing harsh breath. "It's okay." Elias attempts to soothe me, but all I see is red.
"Yeah, don't. You're a fucking pussy, Olsson." He chuckles at his own insult. "But that's probably to thank him for, right?"
He gestures to Elias. My hands ball into fists. Anger is boiling over; it's coursing through my veins. My head lowers to meet Elias' gaze as he pushes at my chest, his expression heavy with desperation.
"Let's just go home." His voice is low, and he sounds hurt and fragile.
It forces me to comply, and I turn. But Nick is there to stop us as he walks back into the building, an unreadable look on his face. I can't see much of anything right now.
"I wouldn't go that way." He says, pointing past his shoulder, then his gaze meets mine. "Your dad is out there."
My heart drops. "What?"
Elias nods at Nick, mumbling a thank you before turning completely towards me, but I can't help but stare towards the exit.
It's calling me.
"Come on, let's go." He pushes at my chest, and I stumble backwards, unable to resist. "It's okay. Come on."
I stumble as I turn away, and Elias holds my arms as we leave through the other exit across the school.