Jurdan Oneshots

《5》

"Jude, you need to stop burying bodies in my- our garden!" Cardan exclaims, putting down his glass of wine on a nearby table as Jude drags a body into their garden.

Jude silently stares at him for a moment, then continues dragging the body.

Cardan walks over to her and grabs her wrist firmly but not firm enough to break it, "Jude, my darling nemesis. Please. Stop."

"Its good fertiliser, though-" Jude says, raising her eyebrows with a smirk, onky to be cut off by Cardan,

"No."

"For the plants?"

"No."

"Cardan," She glares at him.

"Jude," He glares back.

They have a little glaring competition before Jude runs off grinning, leaving the body at Cardan's feet.

"Jude Duarte- or Greenbriar! Whatever it is that you prefer!" Cardan yells.

"Jude? Darling, the body is atop my feet. I'm the High King, I can't be seen dragging a body." He says as Jude walks back to him, panting ever so slightly.

"Well, I'm the High Queen and everyone just saw me dragging this body here."

Cardan sighs before speaking again, pinching the bridge of his nose between his index and thumb, "And who exactly is this everyone?"

"Did you really think im so dumb as to let the folk see their High Queen dragging a body?"

"Well, no..." Cardan mumbles, itching the back of his neck under his raven hair sheepishly.

"Do you love me?"

"What? Yes, of course I love you!"

"Do you?"

"Yes"

"Do you?"

"Yes"

"Do you?"

"Oh, jesus, YES!"

"So, we both agree that this body is good fertiliser and that I can bury it in our garden?"

"Ye- wait, what?"

"You've already said yes!" Jude exclaims and picks up a shovel.

"Jude, please, st-"

"Cardan, please?"

"No."

Jude throws the shovel at the ground with non-existent anger, huffs, slightly pouts feigning annoyance, and walks away. Leaving Cardan with the dead body.

"Well, hello there. I think I'll call you Thorne. No, I should give him- them a more mortal name in honour of my High Queen. What was it? Barn? Babe? Bahb? Bobe? Ah yes, Bob! Yes. That was the one. Well, hello there, bob."

Bob's eyes are closed and he's not breathing (as expected because hes just been, oh, i dunno, BRUTALLY MURDERED BY JUDE LIKE, 2 MINUTES AGO!).

"Servants! Come get bob and throw him somewhere or bury him! He isn't talking to me!"

Jude watches from their bedroom window, laughing as Cardan fails to make conversation with Dead Bob. Yep. Thats what shes calling him- uhm, them (the body) from now on. Dead Bob.

Spectacular, isn't it?