Jurdan Oneshots

《12》

During a feast, Jude and Cardan are having a "Who Can Hold Their Liquor Better?" competition. This competition consists of the both of them getting as drunk as possible and somehow still being sober.

Cardan, the expert at drinking wine, thinks that he's going to win.

But little does he know, that Jude's snuck some kind of powder in it that Grima Mog gave her that only works on the Folk.

And it makes them as drunk as possible.

Cardan, obviously, is by now extremely drunk. He jumps onto the table which startles the other guests since a High King "isn't supposed to be acing this way".

Cardan starts doing the most ridiculous (or should I say Ridikulus? Sorry, got a bit carried away to Hogwarts on my Firebolt *ahem ahem*) (jk i'm broke i dont have one. *cries in broke*) dance, one that Jude has recently taught him- The "Mortal Chicken Dance", as he likes to call it.

The guests are baffled for a moment, and thus quiet. Suddenly, Jude starts laughing, which causes The Bomb and The Roach to start laughing, which causes Grima Mog  to start laughing, which causes the rest of the guests to start laughing.

The guests roar in laughter, the sound almost deafening.

Then, Cardan speaks up, his words slurred, "Jude, my darling nemesis,  my wife, and the- no. My High Queen of Elfhame, will you throw a knife at me?"

Jude is stunned for a moment, but a smirk tugs at the corners of her lips soon enough, "Cardan, I think you should ask me to miss."

"Right. Miss, then."

"Are you sure about this, Cardan?" Jude asks, but she's grinning.

"Oh, yes, darling. Hell yes! Whoo!" He lets out an overly-excited whoop and signals for Jude to take out her knife.

"Which one?" Jude asks, raising an eyebrow.

"The one strapped to your thigh, please. That one's the deadliest, isn't it?"

"Oh, Cardan, Cardan, Cardan. Hell yeah!" She exclaims, and then pulls out her knife.

She throws it at Cardan.

It's dangerously close to his face.

Its getting closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Cardan is somehow extremely relaxed, either it's the wine or the fact that he completely trusts Jude.

The knife narrowly misses him, by about half an inch, and Cardan lets out a roar of laughter, the booming sound echoing within the walls of the room.

Some of the guests look confused, others horrified, and some petrified.

But Jude's smirking.

Classic.

And so is Cardan.

Is he proud of his wife for almost killing him?

Yep.