Desire

CHAPTER FORTY- ONE

Adelaide

Last night we decided that our first stop was North Carolina. Six hours and forty-six minutes. I slept through a little over 4 fours. When I woke up Jack was still focused staring ahead driving through the heavy rain. 

When he noticed I was up he said, "Hey sleepyhead," flashing his award-winning smile. Being this close to him is making me want to throw up. It could be morning sickness, but no It's him. I shouldn't even be thinking about him in this way. I know he's not thinking about me in this way. I'll just ignore it. I'm not in the best head space to start something new anyway. 

"Hey smiley," I replied. He laughs. A sounds so delicious I wish I could hear it again. Stop it, Adelaide. I turn on the radio to drown out the noise in my head. Music blasts through the air to get rid of the silence. Finally, something to relax me. I reach over and get one of the bags of snacks. I'm hungry for food, but it's 3 in the morning. 

He reaches over to the back grabs something and throws it in my lap. It's a fucking lunchbox. I open it and the smell of delicious pasta fills my nostrils. He made me pasta with shrimp. When did he do this? I was with him most of the day yesterday. 

"When you left to go see your mom and dad before you left. I secretly made pasta with shrimp and washed the dishes so you wouldn't know," he says, with a wide smile. I jumped on him and hugged him causing the wheel to shift to the right.

I immediately let him go and he rights the steering wheel. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," I apologized. I'm a little embarrassed. Why did I think it was a good idea to do that? stupid. Stupid. 

"It's alright. I love to make you smile," he replies, winking. I turn bright red, blushing. I turn away so he doesn't see me blushing. His hand rests on my upper thigh. My eyes snap to his face. His face is neutral, staring up off into the road. I looked down at his throat watching him as he swallowed hard. 

 He is just comforting you, Adelaide. So then why did I like it so much? 

------

An hour later, his hand was still on the upper thigh of my sundress. If he moved his hand even a little bit he could feel my red lacey panties. Maybe, self-consciously I wore them on purpose. His hand caresses the skin there making me calm. He's my calm after the storm, my person. Maybe I knew all the time I was attracted to him. I shake the thought from my head. I can't, I won't. I'm not ready for this. I won't string Jack along knowing that a part of me is hoping Carter will change. He deserves better. Jack pulls into a Hilton hotel parking lot.  

"I thought we were going to a cheap hotel only-"

"Adelaide, I got this," he replies cutting me off. I don't want it to seem like I'm using him. I don't like him paying for everything.

I stand in front of him, a smirk on his face. I want to slap it from his face. I can't be serious when he's looking at me like that. I crossed my arms across my chest and put the straightest face I could. 

"Listen, Jack, I don't want you to pay for anything. I don't feel-"

"Adelaide," he interrupts me again. "I want to do this for you. You deserve better than sleeping in a sleazy hotel room. Please," 

He shines his puppy dog at me. I can't resist it. Shit. "Fine," 

"Yes," he shouts. He takes all the suitcases out of the car. I try to take one and he snaps it out of my reach. Then, he motions for me to walk ahead of him into the hotel. I decided that it was best not to fight it. I wasn't going to win, anyway. 

As I walk into the hotel, I let Jack lead the way to the hotel room. I hoped that he would get us separate hotel rooms. I don't think I could sleep in bed with Jack.  Carter doesn't even know I left, yet. I planned on calling him on the road, but I couldn't talk to him while Jack's hand was on my skin.

It felt like l was hiding something from him. I don't think Carter is going to take this very well especially, because of Jack. He doesn't like Jack very much. He'll think something is going on and I'm a bad liar. I don't even know if something is going on. I should call him maybe I will. 

We're in the elevator and the silence is loud.  Were standing shoulder to shoulder. I stand looking at the elevator door, playing with my fingers. I see his hand moving closer to mine and he slowly entwines our fingers. Instantly, stops my nervousness. 

The elevator dings, and he doesn't let my hand go as we walk into the hallway. Secretly inside I was screaming. Being this close to him was intoxicating. Still, I enjoyed every moment like it could be the last. 

A couple walks past us, a disheveled blonde girl, with blue. She looks like she has just woken up. I knew the truth. Jack looks over at me with a smirk, I look away from him. I didn't want him to read the dirty thoughts in my head. How much I badly wanted to be that girl. How I wanted to be that girl with Jack.

It's just been a while," I tell myself. I hadn't had sex since I got pregnant and all this drama started. I have been way too exhausted. That's the only reason that I want him.  Even I know it's a lie, but it's a lie I'm willing to tell myself if it gets me through this trip. 

We were standing at the door. He releases my hand to open the door. Why did I feel so sad that he dropped my hand? He opens the door but moves to the side to let me in first. "Perfect gentleman, " I teased. 

"My lady," he teased back. If only he knew how much I wanted to be his lady. I shake the thought from my head. I laughed it off. I look around the hotel room, it's super fancy. It looks like an actual apartment.  

Jack I-" I 

"Don't Adelaide," he interrupts me. "I am on the board of directors of this hotel brand"

I stood there with my mouth wide open. Why was I surprised? he probably blackmailed himself into the Board of Directors. He is in the mafia after all. 

 "Why didn't you tell me, Jack?" I screamed. I don't know why this information is like a knife gut. I think I was blinded to the fact that Jack is a bad guy because he's sweet to me. It was like the curtain dropped. How could I forget that he's a stone-cold killer?  Because you were so blinded by his kindness you forgot he was the devil incarnate, like his brother.  

"Adelaide," he calls out, snapping me out of my head. I guessed he felt the fear radiating from me. He walks over to me, I start walking backward. My back hits a cold stone wall. Shit. He has me trapped. 

His body inches from mine. He lifts his hand above me and against the wall trapping me in. "Are you scared of me, Princessa," I wince at his breath on my face. I turned my face away from his. 

I swallowed. No words followed. I tried to speak to show him I wasn't afraid. I hate to see what happens to people with the people who are afraid of him? does he feed off fear like it's cocaine? 

He grips my chin forcing me to look at him. I tried to fight it but he's stronger than I am. "Stone cold killer," echoes in my head. 

"Adelaide," his voice sends a chill throughout my body. I shiver underneath him. "I would never hurt you. Ever," he emphasizes the last word. I want to believe him so badly, but what if I can't get past the whole murder thing?

If we were ever together, he couldn't raise a child. We would be hunted by anyone who wanted to hurt Jack or even Carter. "Leave," I spit out.

He looks at me with a confused, hurt look on his face. I can't take it. All I want is to take him in my arms and let him hold me, but I can't pretend that being with either of them would hurt me and my baby. I have to do what's right. 

"Leave," I asked again. 

He turned around and walked out the door without a second look. The door slammed shut and I fell to my knees, wailing.