Desire

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Carter Gilmore

Adelaide was staring at me with tears in her eyes. I wiped her tears with my thumb. She pulled away from me. I could feel her distancing herself from me.

"I think we should get ready for work," she says with her back to me. She can't even fucking look at me. I hate this.

"Okay."

I didn't want to force her to talk to me. I want her to speak to me when she's ready for it.
She moved to her bedroom and put on a button-up and a skirt. She was pretending I wasn't even here. She hated me, but I hated myself for putting her through what I put her through. How do I fix this?

I sit there, not knowing if I should leave or stay here with her. She faces me, her face filled with sorrow. "Carter, I don't think it's a good idea to arrive together,"

"Adelaide-"

"Don't. Carter," she interrupted me. I stayed silent, not wanting to trigger her. I tried to wrap her in my arms and tell her everything would be okay, but I can't promise that.

I can see the fight in her eyes. I have to walk away if I want to fix this. I have to think about this and find a way to make it better. So I walked away even though it was the hardest thing ever.

I opened the door to my car and got inside. "FUCKKKKKKK" I screamed. How am I going to fix this? How can I make it better for us? I'm going to find a way if it kills me.

I drove to a park and let myself calm down before I went to work. Usually, I wouldn't do this. I would just put my frustrations into my work which is yelling at staff, but she makes me want to do better, be better.

So here I am at the park like this will make me feel better. I'm going to try screaming, but it's not going to make me feel better. I think it's stupid. What kind of person screams like a crazy person to a field of nothing? People who need therapy.

I screamed as loud as possible, ensuring I got it all out. Now I understand. It's euphoric. All my feelings leave my body, and a sense of calmness fills my body.

Shit. What is this woman doing to me?

I drive to work and get there in like 5 mins. As I entered the buildings, I was agreed by the doorman. He nods his head to acknowledge my presence but doesn't smile.
I took the elevator to my floor, and I walked in immediately, being met with Adelaide.

"Mr. Gilmore. You have a meeting at 9:30 and one at 10:30. Also, I need to know your lunch order, and the board wants to meet you in your office at 11:30."

She doesn't meet my eyes, looking down at the table in her hands. Is this what we're reduced to? Pretending that we weren't just about to have sex?

She walks with me to my office. "I think we should have Chinese?" I said. Then her eyes met mine. A look passes between her eyes before it disappears.

She nods. Then looks down at her tablet again, writing it down. "I'll make it order for you. It will be ready in your office after your meeting,"
She tried to walk away, but I grabbed her arm.

"You will order two dinners. Make it for your favorite restaurant. Order what you would like,"

"Mr. Gilmore. We're at work. We can't do this," she speaks silently. The door is open, and anyone who walks past can hear.

"Adelaide, I don't care what anyone thinks. Just call it what it is,"

"I don't need your favoritism, Mr.Gilmore. You can't fix what you did. I will never trust you again. I shouldn't even have sex with you knowing your reputation. I was stupid. I will never be stupid again," she said in a low angered voice.

"Listen, baby-"

"Don't "baby" me, Mr Gilmore. You did what you did. Don't apologize for being exactly who you are,"

I don't understand what happened between this morning and now. How did she change her mind so quickly?

"What happened after this morning? It doesn't make sense. This morning you were all over me asking me to fuck you, and now you're distant,"

"Do you need anything else, Mr Gilmore?" She asked dismissively.

I shake my head. She turns and starts to walk out of my office.

"I meant what I said. If I could take it back, I would. Adelaide, I can't breathe without you. Adelaide, I love you,"

She pauses at the door. I can't tell if she wants to turn toward me. But she continues walking out the door.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Why can't I do anything right? Fuck.