Daddy Issues

41 - Take me with you

I told Mom and Dan about the job opening at the coffee shop some more over dinner last night. As expected, Mom wasn't too excited about it. But Dan really hyped me up, so I decided to go for it.

I swung by the coffee shop to hand in my resume in person, because Dan said it always makes a good impression to show your face. And I think he was right. The manager took a moment to tell me some more about what would be expected and asked me if I had any experience. I confessed that I didn't, but that I was eager to learn and I felt like we did get along. She said she'd get in touch with me later this week.

So despite everything, I'm feeling pretty good. Maybe I can actually get this job and start building some sort of life for myself. I'm excited to tell Dan about it. So when he's the first to get back from work that evening, I rush to get up from the couch to meet him in the hallway and tell him right away.

'I did it!' I yell out, by way of greeting.

He looks up, a little confused, while he takes off his coat and hangs it.

'You did what?'

'I went by the coffee place and handed in my resume,' I tell him excitedly, leaning against the wall. 'It went well, I got to talk to the manager and everything. I think she'll invite me for an interview.'

'That's great, Emma.'

He puts on a smile, but something in his face washes the one on mine right off. I was expecting him to be excited for me as well. But he looks tired. And sad.

'What's wrong?' I ask him, trying not to give in to the sinking feeling in my stomach.

The way he looks at me does nothing to take away my worry. Then he runs his hand through his hair and sighs. I cross my arms to brace myself a little when he takes a few steps my way.

'Emma, I... I've done a lot of thinking.'

Instinctively, I push myself off the wall and take a step back. As if it will make the blow any less hard. Suddenly, the look on his face makes sense. Because I've seen it before. On my father's face.

I take a breath and wrap my arms more tightly around myself.

'You're leaving,' I say, trying to keep my voice steady.

'I tried,' he says, a look of desperation on his face. 'I thought that maybe I'd be able to do it, to keep going, but Emma... I can't stay with your mother. Not after all this.'

I ruined it. I let things get out of control and I ruined it.

'You just need time,' I say pathetically. 'The kiss... it was a mistake. You need time to work through it.'

'Emma, I know you don't want me to leave. And the truth is, I don't want to leave you either. But I can't stay with Lainey, for you. It's not fair to her.'

Of course he's right. Of course it isn't fair to my mother. Of course we fucked everything up when we made out in the kitchen. But this can't be the end. I can't go back to how things were before.

I can't lose him.

'So what, we make one mistake and now you don't love her anymore?' I ask him. It's a stupid question and I know that it is. This entire situation is a mess and that kiss was just the worst of it.

And Dan knows it.

'We both know that kiss wasn't just a drunken mistake.'

I stand frozen when he takes a few quick steps in my direction. I can't look anywhere but at him when his eyes fix on me with a sudden intensity.