Daddy Issues

40 - Idiot

We talked for over two hours yesterday. I was glad that Dan made good on his promise. After some more sleep, he emerged looking much more alive and he managed to act somewhat like himself again, even with Mom in the room.

And I'm happy that I managed to compose myself as well. I tried to put the kiss out of my mind as much as possible and focus on the topic at hand: my future.

Mom really seemed to try. It was clear that the thought of me not knowing what I want to do with my future wasn't something that made her happy, but in the end she was open to helping me discover what it might be. We discussed going to a career advisor again. I felt ashamed to tell Dan that I didn't go to the appointment he made me but he already knew. They called him to tell him I never showed. Of course, he didn't get angry about that. He's always so forgiving.

I promised I'd call to explain that I couldn't come to the appointment and try to make a new one. So that's what I did today. I gathered all my nerves and called to say that I couldn't come due to personal reasons, deciding to keep it vague. And I managed to get a new appointment a couple weeks from now.

I also signed up for several information days at universities and I've been looking at temporary jobs that I might do until I find something more permanent. It's been a pretty productive day, if I may say so myself. So I'll be able to give Dan and Mom a reasonable update over dinner tonight.

I've been on my laptop in my room and I did hear the door sometime ago. So I decide to see if they're both home yet and find out when we'll be having dinner. Usually, I'd probably continue to hide. But if I do that, things will never get better with my mother and it won't get any less awkward with Dan either.

Of course, it turns out he's the only one who's home yet. And he's already started getting dinner ready. He hasn't heard me. So I could just turn around and go back to my room. But I don't want to avoid him. I want things to get back to how they were.

'D'you need help?'

Dan turns around to look at me for a moment. As usual, my stomach jolts when he smiles at me. It's gotten even worse after that kiss.

'I've managed to do it, haven't I?' he asks, pointing at me with the knife he's holding.

'Managed to do what?' I ask suspiciously.

'Get you into cooking,' he grins. That's the second time in two weeks you're volunteering to cook.'

I roll my eyes at him, but smile. Happy that he's teasing me just like he would have before that damn kiss.

'I'm just trying to be nice. Take it or leave it.'

'I'll take it,' he says eagerly. 'Here, you can cut the peppers.'

He may have been teasing me, but when I take place next to him, it still feels a little awkward. We haven't been alone again since our talk yesterday. And I'm sure the kiss is still as fresh on his mind as it is on mine, despite almost two days having passed.

As I'm chopping up the peppers and Dan starts putting some pans on the stove, there's silence between us. I'm not sure what to say to him. Should I just ask him about his day or something or would that be weird?

Fortunately, he decides to break the silence for us. He clears his throat before he asks me how everything went today.

'How was it today? Did you manage to get another appointment with the advisor?'

'I did!' I say, relieved to talk about anything. 'Wasn't much of a problem, really. Though she did mention there'd be a fine if I did it another time.'

'That fine will be on you,' Dan says sternly.