Shards of War: Eclipsian Secrets

Chapter 68

After the meeting, Matsu returned to his office, still feeling the emotional weight of the morning and the discussions with the chancellors. He knew they were steering him clear of certain responsibilities, and though part of him felt grateful, another part of him resented it. He wanted to be the kind of leader who could handle everything, but deep down, he knew they were right—he wasn't ready for some things.

As he sat down at his desk, he stared blankly at the pile of papers in front of him, his mind wandering to Calie and Marie. The limited contact with them, meant to help them all grow, was harder than he expected. He missed them—missed their laughter, their support, the way they could make everything seem less daunting. Matsu found himself wondering, not for the first time, whether this was all worth it. Could he truly balance the weight of an entire country on his shoulders and work on himself at the same time? Could he become the man they needed him to be without losing himself in the process?

A knock on the door snapped him out of his thoughts. It was Bonnie, poking her head in. "You alright, Matsu?" she asked, her tone soft but concerned.

Matsu gave a small smile, leaning back in his chair. "I'm fine, Bonnie. Just... you know. Missing Calie and Marie. And wondering if I'm really up for all this sometimes."

She stepped inside, closing the door behind her. "Listen, we've all been there. I know it's hard not having them around, but you're doing this for the right reasons. And as for the job? You've got the heart for it. It's why we trust you. But it's okay to not have all the answers right now."

He sighed. "I get that, but it feels like I should be doing more. You guys are always covering for me, shielding me from things. I appreciate it, but I also feel... powerless. Like I'm not really in control."

Bonnie sat down across from him, her expression softening. "We're not shielding you because we don't trust you. We're shielding you because you've got a lot on your plate, and we don't want to add more to it until you're ready. You're still young, Matsu. It's not a bad thing to take your time. And one day, when you are ready, you'll handle all of this like a pro. But right now? It's okay to let us carry some of the load."

Matsu was silent for a moment, staring at his desk. He knew she was right, but that didn't make it any easier to accept. "I just don't want to let anyone down," he said quietly.

Bonnie smiled, standing up and walking over to him. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "You're not letting anyone down. You're doing exactly what you should be doing—learning, growing, becoming the leader we all know you can be. Don't rush it, okay?"

He nodded, still unsure but comforted by her words. "Thanks, Bonnie."

"Anytime, Matsu." She gave his shoulder a squeeze before heading toward the door. "Now, get through those papers, and maybe take a break afterward. Go grab a coffee or something. You've earned it."

As she left, Matsu looked back down at the papers, feeling a little lighter. He knew this journey wouldn't be easy, but he also knew he wasn't alone. The chancellors had his back, and while he missed Calie and Marie, he was doing this for them, too. He just had to trust that, in time, everything would fall into place.

With a deep breath, he grabbed the first document and started reading, one step at a time.

Then a little more than halfway through the papers, sending responses to reports or requests, he decided to take a short break, he left his office and walked to see if bonnie had some coffee, he liked her blend of coffee, family does tend to think alike, but not all the time.

He found his cousin on the phone talking with someone and he mouthed that he wanted her coffee and she pointed to the machine, he grabbed a cup and made some for himself.