𝙱𝚊𝚗𝚐 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝙾𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚜

𝙶𝚛𝚎𝚢 𝙿𝚝 𝟸

TW: mentioned suicide attempt, depression

angst

The silence is heavy, permeating the air.

It's been that for the past few days, threatening to suffocate the remaining members of Stray Kids.

No.

Not remaining.

They're still eight. For now

Chan will be alright. He will wake up. He has to.

If Hyunjin says it enough, maybe he will believe it.

So far, he hasn't been able to convince himself that everything will be alright. Hell, he hasn't been able to convince himself that anything will be alright.

He- no, all of them- let the leader get to such a bad place. They let him get to such a horrible place, they let him drown, they let him fall, they left him alone in the grey.

The guilt has choked them all. Jisung hasn't said a single word, and Hyunjin has only spoken when he gave his statement.

Hyunjin thought it couldn't be worse. Until the day before, when he found a journal the leader had kept.

He threw up while reading it.

Even now, it makes him physically sick, thinking about the entries.

He gave the journal to Minho, and later that night, he walked past Chan's room.

The door was open, and Minho was curled up in the leader's bed, journal propped on his knees, sobbing as he turned the pages. The sound was guttural, and although Hyunjin wanted nothing more than to leave the dancer to his grief and pain, he found himself entering the room, settling down next to Minho, and wrapping his arms around him.

This was the first time he had seen Minho cry since everything happened.

He couldn't let anyone else suffer alone anymore. Not after...

"I didn't realise- t-that it was s-so bad..."

Minho could barely speak, hiccups jolting his body.

Hyunjin hadn't responded, merely held Minho closer, rubbing his back. He didn't have to say anything. They simply shared each other's pain, finding solace in the other's presence.

They fell asleep like that, still curled up in Chan's bed.

Now, the next day, Hyunjin is fighting the urge to throw up. The company has decided they will make a statement on Live.

They won't say anything about Chan's...attempt, but rather say he has gone on hiatus due to a medical emergency.

When they're told that, Hyunjin recalls the mess of the leader's arms, red and pink and white patchwork. He swallows bile.

Miraculously, he makes it through the Live without speaking or vomiting thanks to Seungmin, who grips his hand tightly the whole time.