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"no, i dont think you understand- this has to happen."
i booked a 3 week trip to sanortori, greece. i just did it and i didn't ask. i feel like our relationship depends on this, if i dont see her, i think we'll just fall apart. she's been so sad all the time, i hate seeing her that way. she hasn't texted me back because she thought i said i didn't like her hair.
i like it, but she's nitpicky in everyway like that. i know it's just because she misses me.
"billie, is she more than important than work?"
"just as important. it's just on my off time, right? let me guess, you want me to rehearse over the break? im an adult, i make my own decision, and that's my decision."
he knew he couldn't say anything else, so he gave me a small nod and left my green room. i jumped on my couch and grabbed my phone.
bils: wyd?
ness: cutting all my hair off
ness: would u love me if i was bald?
bils: yes you'd be hot
bils: you're so pretty baby
bils: how's work?
i just kept talking to her normally, and eventually, we were on call for a few hours. i haven't been able to get her on call. "what have you been doin?" i asked her, "nothing. i bought something for you, you were supposed to see it last week but you're a dick."
"yes, yes.. can i see my surprise?!"
"calm down! close your eyes." i closed my eyes, "open them!" when i opened them, all i saw was her middle finger in the camera. i smacked my lips but she thought it was really funny, "okay! stop getting mad at me.." i chuckled, "im not mad at you. im excited."
but then she sucked her lips, "the gift.. you're gonna have to be in person to see it."
little does she know.
"okay, okay, i get you. i miss you, i wanna see you."
"i miss you too.. 8 more months."
"8."
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billie is being sneaky and she thinks i dont know. i dont know what she's doing but im curious. i went on my phone and logged into her instagram. literally nothing. im just paranoid. i actually check her instagram so much that i know she knows not to do something stupid on that account.
i picked up my cat out of the bathtumb and put him in his bed. he often mistakes that for his bed. "lucki, where are you??" i whistled, walking through my huge house trying to find the puppy. im just watching lucki for my friend danielle. danielle is the only real friend i have out here. she comes over 5 times out of the week, holds me while i cry about billie, and im never crying about anything in particular, i just miss my girlfriend.
when we hang out with her friends, they all tell me what she likes me. i cant see it, she's never made any crazy advances towards me.. only when she's drunk..
i never accept of course and im not intrested, it just sucks that the only friend i have is sticking around so eventually she can fuck me. in her dreams. i agreed to watch her dog because more the merrier. i went into my bed with lucki, because he loves to cuddle. i cuddled him in silence while i looked at the picture of my girlfriend on my nightstand.
for a while i imagnined it was her, and it made me cry.
