Halley's comet

Chapter nineteen: Not my responsibility

"You call me any time if you start to feel uncomfortable or scared or you just want to come home and I'm there, baby girl."

It was the next day and just as we planned Claudia was on her way over to pick me up so we can go shopping although I was kind of nervous Billie and Claudia and even Finneas told me they knew some spots where we really wouldn't be recognized. It made me feel a little better but i still had those thoughts that were gonna get seen and be bombarded with questions.

"I'll be headed to Finneas' house to work on some things but Claudia's gonna bring you straight there and you can show me all of the pretty things you bought yourself." I smiled pecking her lips.

"Of course I will my love." She smiled kissing me once more.
"Remember what I said you call me okay? No matter what." I nodded.

Claudias horn blared outside letting us know she was here.

"Oh, wait. here." Billie said stopping me before I went out the door. I turned to her; she had her hand out holding out her card to me. I looked at her confused.

"Go head baby take it you already know why."

"Billie-"

"No, you already know no questions." I went to protest more but she put the card in my purse pushing me out the door.

She walked me to the car opening the door for me letting me in. She then leaned against the car head poking in through the opened car window.

"You ladies have fun, and you take care of my girl Claudia." She raised her eyebrows pointing to Claudia.

"Yeah, yeah I'm just gonna get her wasted and then maybe to an all-male strip club." Claudia joked smiling at her mischievously switching the car into reverse.

I laughed covering my mouth as she stood there dumbfounded. I stuck my head out the window before we backed out of the driveway Billie leaned in giving me one last kiss.

"I love you!" I said as we backed out.

"I love you! no strip clubs dammit!" She yelled back.

*****

"So how have you been?" Claudia said breaking the comfortable silence.

We've been driving for about 10 minutes now, the place where she had in mind was a little bit of ways, but I didn't mind the ride.

I focused my gaze on lap picking at my fingers. "I'm uh I'm doing okay." I said unsuredly.

She briefly looked at me then back at the road.
"Are you sure?" her eyebrows knitted.

"Yeah, I mean everything with Billie is great I'm loving every minute of it."

"But?"

I sighed. "It's just I don't know everything I went through you know it's still there and I'm trying everything I can to work past it you know? But it's like it's a part of me now. like don't get me wrong I'm so grateful I'm alive still you know, but like sometimes I wished he had killed me so I wouldn't have to live with this, I'm just not the same I don't feel the same anymore. and that fucking sucks like I want to be the same girl I was before I met Jayce, I want to be the girl Billie fell in love with when we were teenagers. but it's just so fucking hard because I know I'm not gonna get that back." the car went silent for a few seconds before Claudia spoke up.

"Honey, I'm not gonna say I understand how you feel, because I don't. But I can say that I'm always here- Finneas and I are always here if you ever need someone to talk to, I know you're going to therapy and that's so fucking great Halley that's a step forward to becoming better. I'm so fucking proud of you. and I know it might seem like you're not gonna be the same right now but once you work past this it's just gonna be another mountain you climbed and you're gonna look back and realize how strong you were overcoming it. Life fucking sucks and it's not fair and some of us get the worst end of it I know that, but we just have to get through it, but you're not alone, okay? you have all of us we all love you, Billie might love you more than we do but we got you girl. always."