GREYS ANATOMY| Amelia x OC

I cant feel the grief

(TW)

I get to Meredith's house where Amelia's back is facing me. Apparently she had lashed out at Richard. As I approach her I can hear her

"I've got the dead Derek thing completely managed" she says while putting the drugs in her coat pocket

Amelia turns around to see me and sighs

"I know people were worried, since he died, everybody's been looking at me, waiting for me to fall apart or freak out or just become a mess. Like some bomb everyone thinks is supposed to go off. Everyone was calling. It makes sense. Every man I've ever loved has died. Including my baby. Thank you, universe!" And that was only the start of her monologue.

I'm now standing next to Owen when I take a step back.

"What are you doing?" She asks me

"Allowing space for the bomb to go off. It needs somewhere to go. And if I take a step forward you're going to push me off this porch so I'll step back" I say

"I scored oxy from this junkie doctor" Amelia states

"But you haven't taken any?" Asks Owen

"Not yet. But I might. Elena can I talk to you?" Amelia says

"Of course. Owen go sit on the couch" I say

"That's the thing, I really actually might. I have been sober for 1,321 days, Elena, it was managed. But I might." Amelia says

"All that stuff that you're managing, you're not supposed to be. You're supposed to feel it, grief, loss, pain. It is normal-"

"It's not normal" Amelia cuts me off

"It's not normal to you because you've never done it. Instead of feeling it we shove it all down and we do drugs and we drink instead, we run from the pain. We're supposed to love and hate, grieve and break, get to to top just to break again because that is humanity. That's being alive. Don't avoid it." I say seeing the tears form in Amelia's eyes

"Derek died. He died. I don't wanna feel it, I don't think I can." While doing this shes putting her hand in her pocket to grab the drugs

"You have to feel it! If you don't, that bag of oxy's not gonna be your last."

She pulls it out and hands it to me before breaking down. I mean we're literally on the ground sobbing together.

We finish our sob fest and she goes inside to kiss Owen and go in her room.

I Hand the bag of oxy to Owen immediately and promise him we didn't take any.

"Owen"

"Sorry I know it's the middle of the night"

"I was going to say, you call me any time this happens. Because marrying an addict, I promise this won't be the last time. It could be when you're 90 but it'll happen again. So thank you for calling"

"Thank you"

~~

I get back to my house and everyone is home.

"Who's with Val?" I say worried

"Nick" they say looking in the kids room

I run into the kids room to see both kids asleep, Nick made a bed on the floor next to Val's which has a saline drip next to it.

"She's good?" I ask Arizona

"She's good!" Arizona says

I run and hug everyone without thinking

"Sorry"

"It's okay" They laugh

"Oh My god she's ok" I say to myself

"She's okay" Callie laughs

"Holy shit She's okay" I say

They all look at me and laugh

~~

I Take The Next few days off to monitor Valeria and I let Nick and cami take one day off as well.  The kids and I are watching TV when the doorbell rings. I look through the peephole to see a distraught Amelia and I immediately let her in and we go in my room.

"What's wrong? What happened?" I ask

"Nothing happened and that's the problem" she yells

"I'm not understanding?"

Meredith didn't call me when Derek died. Maybe I could have fixed him. Maybe I would've waited until my mom got there or even called her before I pulled the plug."

"Deep breaths Amelia, do you need a meeting?"

"No. Mickey mouse sounds pretty good right about now"

~~

I Walk Into an elevator and realize the woman is in labor and her husband is dying!

"Second Torres, here. Page karev" Edwards tells me

"Im not Even working? I say now covered in blood and fluid

~~

"Baby is Fine" Alex says

"Can I Check on the dad with the baby?" I ask

"Out there? That's crazy."

"I'm crazy"

"You're gonna do it anyway."

"I'm gonna do it anyway" I say taking the baby and laughing

~~

Mer asks Alex if she can move in with us with us with the kids and we both have no choice but to say yes. She housed us and the kids for weeks. The only thing is Jo isn't too sure about it mainly because there'll be five kids and a newborn which is understandable. So instead she buys a townhouse.

~~

Later on I show up to Richard and Catherine's wedding and find Amelia alone in her bedroom staring at a phone.

"Oh sorry, Everything okay?"

"Can you get Owen?" She asks me

"Hey I'm not into that." I joke but she doesn't laugh so I nod and go downstairs

"Owen" I say

"One sec-"

"Owen."

"Everything okay?"

"Follow me" I say as I lead him up to Amelia's room. I hug her and then shut the door