Look What You've Done

Chapter 16

Rivers have flowed from my eyes. Never seen love face to face. Just seen it walking away. Why would you think I would recognize something that's never been mine? -Amel

DESTINY.

I sat outside with my feet in the pool smoking a cigar I got from inside his box.

"I didn't know that you smoke." I turned around to see Shawn leaning against the door frame. I took a long drag before putting it out.

"I don't, I just wanted to try something." I shrugged. He walked towards me then sat down with me between his legs. I laid my head against his chest. "I'm ready to tell you now." I let out a deep sigh before biting my lip. "The reason why I'm here is because two weeks ago I found out that my best friend is actually my sister and the woman who is my mother is actually alive."

"That's a good thing. Shouldn't be happy?"

"Shit isn't that simple. My mother left me with my father who would abuse me. Since that day I thought something had happened to her. I always wondered why she never came back for me or where she could have gone. Turns out she has been playing mommy to a sister I didn't know I had. The fucked up part about it is that me and my sister have a kid by the same man. To put the icing on the cake he was at her house last night."

"Thank you for sharing that with me." He said kissing my cheek. I laid back in his arms as he held me close to him. I listened to the wind and watched the palm trees move.

"I don't think I could ever be happy like genuinely happy."

"What do you mean?"

"My life feels like a constant hell. There are some demons from my past that I just can't rid of. I often think about ending it all but, I can't because of how it would affect Simone."

"I'm not going to compare my situation to yours because they are not the same but, that hell you're talking about, I feel the same way. I've lost a lot of people because of my decisions, especially my mom. You see this?" He showed me his hand with the word blessing written on it. "I got this to remind myself to stay humble and to remind myself that everyday I'm here is a blessing. There were many times where I wanted to end it, hell I've even tried. I could have ended up like many of my niggas but, I'm still alive. I just have to remind myself to keep pushing."

"Thank you for sharing that with me."

"No problem."

"What happened to your mom?"

"A bunch of niggas were looking for me and they shot up my house and she was there."

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry you didn't do anything?" He laughed so carelessly. I could tell that's how he hides his pain, he laughs.

"I know but, it must have been hard."

"Yeah it was at first." He had a blank stare on his face as though he was thinking about something. "I'm going inside. You coming?" I looked over my shoulder into his eyes.

"Yeah I'll be in, in a minute." He kissed my shoulder before getting up. I spent a few minutes processing everything. I got up and went into the guestroom where Simone was watching SpongeBob while eating Doritos. I climbed into bed next her as she snuggled in next to me. I ran my hands through her soft curls.

"How are you?" I asked her.

"I'm good. What about you?"

"I'm fine."

"I'm having a lot of fun here."

"I'm glad. What do you think about Shawn?" I asked wanting to know her opinion.
"He is really funny and has lots of movies. Is he your boyfriend?"