Ineffable 𓇢𓆸 || Jakehoon

🍃Chapter 47🍃

The air feels heavier now. The silence around me is suffocating, and I can't stand it. I can't even hear the others working anymore. The quiet is so overwhelming, it feels like everything's on pause. And I'm stuck in the middle of it, alone with the mess I've made.

Jake's absence is like a hole in my chest. I can feel it, a cold emptiness where his warmth used to be. I don't know what I expected-maybe for him to understand, for him to just keep pushing past me, as he always does, and pretend everything's fine. But I saw it in his eyes. The hurt. The way I ripped through him with my words, and it cuts deeper than any injury I've ever had.

I feel the weight of it now-the weight of not just the bullet wound, but the wound I just inflicted on him. And I hate myself for it. I know I hurt him. I can feel the guilt eating at me, gnawing at my insides like the infection that's spreading through my own body. But how do I fix this? How do I make it right?

I sit there for what feels like hours, lost in my thoughts, until I hear a soft voice beside me.

"Sunghoon?"

It's Eunhee. She's standing there, watching me with those gentle eyes of hers. She's always the calm one, the steady one when everything else is falling apart. She steps closer, and I can see the sadness in her eyes, though she's trying to hide it.

"Jake's hurting, Sunghoon," she says softly, her tone gentle but firm. "You know that, right? He's not going to leave you, but... you can't keep pushing him away."

I don't answer at first. The words are stuck in my throat, lodged somewhere deep down where I can't reach them. I know what she's saying. I know that I've just hurt Jake, and I know that I can't keep pretending like everything's okay. But what do I do now? How do I fix the mess I made?

"I didn't mean to," I finally whisper, my voice cracking slightly. "I just... I just didn't want him to think I'm weak. I can't-"

I trail off, swallowing the lump in my throat. It's hard to admit out loud, but the truth is that I'm scared. I'm scared of being seen as weak, of letting people in and showing them how vulnerable I really am. It's easier to push them away, to act like I can handle it all myself. But that's not working. It's tearing everything apart.

Eunhee crouches beside me, her hand resting on my shoulder. "You're not weak, Sunghoon. But you don't have to carry everything alone. It's okay to lean on others. Especially Jake. He loves you."

The words hit me harder than I expect. "He loves me," I repeat under my breath, the truth of it sinking into my bones. I think about the way Jake's always been there for me, how he's always stood by my side, even when I pushed him away. I think about how much he must care if he's still here, even now, even after everything I've said to him.

But that thought just makes the guilt sharper. How could I treat him like that? How could I lash out when all he's done is love me?

"I messed up, Eunhee," I say, my voice thick with regret. "I hurt him. I don't know how to fix it."

Eunhee smiles softly, her expression kind but knowing. "You'll fix it, Sunghoon. Just talk to him. He's hurting, but he won't give up on you. He never will."

But that doesn't make it any easier. I don't deserve Jake's love. Not after how I've treated him.

I finally stand up, though the pain in my side makes me stagger for a moment. Eunhee notices and reaches out to steady me, her grip gentle but firm.

"Take it easy," she says, concern creeping into her voice. "You need rest. Let someone else help for now."

I shake my head, brushing off her hand. "I'm fine. I'm not going to be a burden."

But I can feel it-the weakness creeping in, the dizziness, the burning fever that makes everything feel blurry. It's getting worse. But I can't stop. I have to keep going, for everyone. For Jake.

I walk toward where the others are gathering, but I can't shake the feeling that something's missing. I'm not whole without him.

I look around, but I don't see Jake. Not at first. He's nowhere near the others. My heart skips a beat, and panic rises in my chest. Where did he go? I glance around the clearing, my eyes scanning the trees and the shadows, but there's no sign of him.

And then, I see him. He's sitting a little ways off, by himself, with his knees pulled up to his chest. His face is hidden in his arms, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs. The sight tears through me like a knife, and I feel the urge to run to him, to apologize, to make it right.

But I can't move. I feel rooted to the spot, paralyzed by my own fear and shame. I don't deserve to comfort him. Not now. Not after everything I've done.

I take a step forward, then another, my feet carrying me closer despite every doubt and fear in my mind. The distance between us feels like miles, and yet it's the only thing I can focus on right now-getting to him, making sure he knows that I'm sorry.

When I finally reach him, he doesn't look up at me right away. He's still curled in on himself, his body trembling with each breath. I kneel beside him, my heart pounding in my chest, and I place a hand on his shoulder.

"Jake..." I whisper, my voice hoarse. "I'm so sorry. Please, look at me."

He doesn't answer. His face is hidden behind his arms, but I can see the wetness on his cheeks. And it breaks me.

I move closer, gently pulling him into my arms. This time, he doesn't resist. He doesn't push me away. Instead, he lets me hold him, and for the first time since this whole mess began, I feel like I might be able to breathe again.

"I'm sorry," I repeat, my voice breaking. "I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm just... scared."

He doesn't say anything at first. He just lets me hold him, his sobs quieting as he leans into me, his body pressed against mine.

"I know," he whispers finally, his voice shaky but full of emotion. "I know, Sunghoon. But you don't have to be scared. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

And in that moment, I realize that maybe-just maybe-I don't have to carry everything alone.