Ineffable 𓇢𓆸 || Jakehoon

❄️ Chapter 82 ❄️

The cold morning air cut through my coat, biting my skin as I walked through the streets. It was the middle of winter, but the chill in my bones wasn't just from the weather. It was from the emptiness I carried with me every single day. The world around me was busy with life-people laughing, kids playing in the snow, couples walking the streets as if they had no memory of the war, no memory of the devastation that had once consumed us all. They were happy. They had something to hold onto.

But I didn't.

I looked down at myself as I walked, noticing for the first time how I was dressed. The same outfit I wore the first day I met Jake. The white shirt. The office pants. The brown coat. I hadn't even thought about it when I'd gotten dressed. It just felt like something I needed to do. Something that might bring me closer to him, even though I knew it wouldn't. Even though I knew he was gone.

Still, I dressed this way because it reminded me of the day everything began. The day I first saw him. His smile. The way he looked at me, like he had all the time in the world for me, like we were meant to meet, like we were meant to find each other in this chaotic, broken world. That day was still so vivid in my mind, still so real, even though everything had changed since then.

I walked through the streets, the crunch of snow beneath my boots the only sound around me. I didn't mind the cold. I didn't mind the emptiness of the city. Because it all reminded me of one thing: how much I missed him. How much I ached without him. How the world had gone on without us, without me, without us.

I reached the garden after what felt like an eternity of walking through streets that seemed to stretch on forever. The park was quieter than usual. It wasn't like the chaos of the past few months. It was peaceful now, almost serene. But all I could feel was the weight of the silence. The peace was a lie. It wasn't real. It was a mask that covered the hurt, the hollow place inside me that never went away.

I stood at the entrance of the garden for a moment, taking in the sight of it-the snow covering everything, the stillness in the air. It looked so different now. I used to love coming here with Jake, the two of us sitting by the oak tree, the world outside our little bubble fading away. We'd laugh, we'd talk and it felt like nothing else mattered. But now... now, it felt like a place I didn't belong.

I walked over to the oak tree, my steps slow, almost hesitant. I wasn't sure why I had come here today. Maybe it was because I needed to remember him. Maybe it was because I needed to hold onto something that still felt real. Or maybe it was because I couldn't stop wondering where he was now. Was he here? In this garden, in this world? Or was he somewhere far away, lost to me forever? Only heaven knew. Only heaven could hold the answer, and it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to make the pain stop.

I sat down under the oak tree where we used to sit together, the bark rough against my back as I leaned my head against it. The cold weather bit at my face, my fingers numb in my gloves, but I didn't care. I closed my eyes for a moment, just breathing, just feeling the silence around me. It felt like the same cold, quiet place I had been for weeks now. Cold on the outside. Cold on the inside. The world around me had moved on, but I couldn't. Not without him.

Where are you, Jake? I thought, letting the question linger in my mind. Where must you be? I wanted so badly to know. To believe that somehow, you were still out there, still watching over me. But I couldn't find you. I couldn't find you anywhere.

I opened my eyes again and noticed the snowdrops starting to bloom around the base of the tree. The little white flowers stood out against the stark whiteness of the snow. They were delicate, fragile, like the memories we had shared. Like everything we had once been. They were so beautiful, so fleeting. Just like you. Just like us.

I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out my camera, the one I used to take pictures of everything with you. The one you had always loved, always encouraged me to use. I raised it to my eye, focusing on the snowdrops as I snapped a few pictures, the shutter clicking softly in the quiet air.

They were the only flowers here now. No vibrant colors. No sunflowers or roses. No Jake.

Just white snowdrops. Simple, cold, and alone. Just like me.

I sat there for what felt like an eternity, staring at the flowers, trying to hold onto something, anything, that felt like a part of him. If I just sit here long enough, maybe the pain will fade. Maybe it will get easier. Maybe I'll remember him differently. Maybe I'll find peace.

But every second that passed only made the emptiness worse. Every minute I spent here only reminded me that I was alone. Alone without him.

Jake... I whispered under my breath, my voice barely audible in the silence. You were supposed to be here with me. You were supposed to come back after the war. We were supposed to be together, to build a future. But now... now, it's just me. Alone. Alone without you.

The tears came again. I didn't try to stop them this time. They fell freely, mixing with the snow that surrounded me. But no matter how many times I cried, no matter how many times I called out for him in my mind, I couldn't bring him back. I couldn't make him real again. He was gone.

And I was here. Alone.

The pain felt endless. The weight of it felt unbearable.

I stood up, leaving the snowdrops behind, the cold seeping deeper into my soul. I looked around the garden one last time, but it didn't feel like home anymore. It didn't feel like a place where I could find peace.

I turned and walked away, my steps heavy, my heart heavier.

And as I walked back through the empty streets, all I could think of was the warmth that used to fill me when I was with him-the warmth that was now lost to the cold.

I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep walking through this world without him. Without my other half. Without Jake.

And the thought of never seeing him again felt like a weight that would crush me every day for the rest of my life.