Ineffable 𓇢𓆸 || Jakehoon

🍂 Chapter 61🍂

It's hard to focus, harder still to make sense of anything beyond the gentle sounds of the world around me. The voices outside the tent are muffled, like they belong to a different place, a different life. A part of me knows that's true-the world I used to know is gone, replaced by something darker, something that's still too close to my skin. But Sunghoon... Sunghoon is here, and even though everything feels like it's slipping through my fingers, his presence is the only thing that makes me feel tethered to something real.

I can feel his hand on mine again, warm and steady, like a lifeline I'm afraid to let go of. His fingers trace small circles across the back of my hand, a quiet rhythm that calms me, even if it doesn't quite reach the parts of me that ache. I want to ask him if he's okay, but the words get lost, trapped in the mess of my head.

He's been sitting there for hours, never moving, never leaving. His gaze never strays too far from me, his worry so palpable that it hangs in the air, thick as smoke. I can see it in the way his brow furrows, the way his lips press into a thin line, as though he's holding his breath for something-anything-to tell him that I'm not breaking apart.

"Jake?" His voice is soft, strained, like he's afraid I won't answer. "Are you okay? Can you hear me?"

I blink, slow and sluggish, my body fighting against the weight of exhaustion, against the pain that clings to every inch of me. His eyes are wide, searching, waiting for something. Anything.

I want to tell him that I'm fine. That I'll be fine. But my body betrays me, and instead, all I manage is a whisper.

"I'm... here."

His shoulders visibly relax. The tension leaves his face, but the shadow of worry still lingers in his eyes. He smiles-just barely, like he's afraid it will fade if he lets it linger too long. His fingers tighten around mine, and his face inches closer, his forehead brushing against mine, as though he can draw some kind of strength from the closeness.

I wish I could give him the strength he needs.

I try to speak again, but the words don't come easily. It's like the space between us is growing, despite the fact that we're barely inches apart. And that's when I see it-the way his eyes flutter shut for a split second, the way his breath catches in his chest, like he's been holding on to this moment too long, waiting for a sign that I'll be okay.

I know he's tired. He hasn't slept properly in days, maybe longer. I've seen the way his body moves, slow and weighted with exhaustion, the way his eyes are always a little too wide, like he's afraid to miss anything.

But I can't let him break. I can't let him fall apart too, not when I feel like I'm already shattered.

"Sunghoon..." I murmur, trying to keep my voice steady. "You need to rest. Please."

He looks at me, a soft shake of his head. "I'm fine," he says, though his voice cracks slightly, betraying the lie. His gaze softens as he leans in closer, brushing a stray lock of hair from my forehead, the same tenderness he's always shown me, even when the world around us falls apart.

I know he's lying. But I don't have the strength to argue, not when every word feels like it's pulling me further away from him.

"Please," I try again, the word tasting bitter on my tongue. "Just rest. I'll be okay. You can't keep going like this, Sunghoon."

He doesn't say anything at first, and I'm afraid he'll keep pushing it aside, like he always does. But then, after a long moment, I feel his shoulders sag, his body leaning closer to mine, until he's right there, his head resting on the pillow beside mine. I don't know when he moved, but suddenly, he's there, right next to me, the warmth of his body a comfort I can't explain.

"You're not okay," he whispers, his voice rough from lack of sleep, and I can hear the heaviness in his words. "I can't rest knowing you're like this."

"But I need you to," I insist, my voice a little stronger now, even if I know it's not enough to convince him. I want him to understand that I'm not okay, that I can't be, but I also need him to survive this, to get through it too. I can't be the only one holding on when it feels like everything is slipping away.

Sunghoon hesitates, but only for a moment. Then, with a soft sigh, he leans in, his chest brushing against mine. The weight of him is comforting, a reminder that I'm not alone in this, even when I feel like I might drown in it. His arm slips around my body, pulling me a little closer, and for a moment, it's almost as though the world outside doesn't exist. Just the two of us.

He sighs again, this time with a kind of relief I wasn't expecting. "I'm here, Jake. I'm not going anywhere."

I want to tell him that I won't either, but the words get stuck in my throat, tangled with the mess of my thoughts. Instead, I just nod, the gesture weak but enough for him to understand.

And then, despite the chaos in the world, despite everything that hurts, I let myself relax, let myself drift, knowing that for the first time in days, Sunghoon is with me. That maybe, just maybe, we'll both be okay.

Sunghoon is here, and that's enough for now.

The last thing I hear before sleep finally takes me is his voice, soft against the dark:

"Rest, Jake. I'm not leaving you."