Ineffable 𓇢𓆸 || Jakehoon

❄️ Chapter 80 ❄️

Sunghoon's POV

The air was sharp, biting my skin with each breath I took, but it wasn't the cold that made my body tremble. It was the silence. The silence that had been following me for weeks, pressing down on my chest, making it harder and harder to breathe. The silence in my head, in my heart. The silence of this graveyard-where the only thing louder than the wind was the deafening absence of you.

I stood there, my hands buried deep in my pockets, my eyes locked on your grave. It had been so long since I allowed myself to come here. To face you. To face this. But today, I couldn't stay away anymore. I couldn't pretend that I didn't feel the gaping hole in my chest every second of every day. I had to come. I had to be here.

Your grave-your resting place-was nothing like the world you had left behind. The world you had so brightened with your laughter, your warmth, your kindness. It was all still there, but I couldn't reach it. I couldn't feel it anymore. It was all gone. Just like you.

The others had left. They had given me space. Time. Time to be with you. Time to be alone. It felt like a blessing and a curse at the same time. They were trying to help me, trying to give me room to breathe, but I didn't know how to breathe anymore. Not without you.

I took a shaky step forward. And then another. My legs were heavy, like they were weighed down by the sorrow that clung to me, the guilt, the pain. God, it hurt. Every step felt like a thousand pounds pressing into my chest. Every step was a reminder of what I had lost. Every step was a reminder of what I couldn't bring back.

The ground beneath me felt cold, even through my shoes, but it wasn't cold enough to numb the ache in my heart. My fingers were trembling, my breathing uneven, as I finally reached the edge of the grave. I knelt slowly, my knees creaking under the strain, my heart hammering in my chest.

I stared down at the grave for a long time, my vision blurry with tears that I couldn't stop. I had cried so much in the past weeks, but it was never enough. The tears never seemed to wash away the pain, never seemed to make the weight of losing you any easier.

The flowers, your flowers, filled the air with their gentle scent. They were vibrant and colorful-just like you always were. You had always loved colors. You had always loved life. It didn't seem right that you were here, in the cold earth, surrounded by beautiful flowers. It didn't seem right that you were gone.

I reached out, my hand shaking as I picked up a bouquet of bright, colorful flowers that someone had left for you. They were all your favorites-sunflowers, daisies, roses. You always said you wanted the world to be full of color, of joy. You were always so full of life. You brought that light to everyone who was lucky enough to know you. But now... now, all that was left was the cold, empty silence.

I bent down slowly, carefully placing the bouquet on the ground at the foot of your grave. The motion felt so foreign to me, so final. This is it. This is all I can do now. I can't bring you back. I can't keep you with me anymore.

My chest tightened, and I couldn't control the tears. I let them fall freely, not caring if anyone saw. I whispered your name under my breath, hoping, praying that somehow, you would hear me, wherever you were.

Please, Jake. Please come back. Please... come back to me.

I reached for the small frame that sat at the top of your grave-your picture. The one I took on your birthday. The one that always made you smile, that you always said was your favorite. It felt like the only piece of you I had left. The only piece that still felt real.

I took it in my hands, my fingers brushing over the edge of the glass, and then slowly running my fingers over your face in the photo. Your eyes, your smile, the way you always looked so carefree. You were so beautiful. So full of life. And now... now, all I had left were these memories. These photographs.

I closed my eyes for a moment, my breath coming in shaky, uneven gasps. I pressed the photo to my chest, my heart aching with every beat. The pain was unbearable. It felt like my chest was being crushed under the weight of everything I had lost. Under the weight of the love I had lost.

If I never let go of your hand... If I had held you closer, kept you safe, maybe... maybe you'd still be here. Maybe you'd still be with me.

The thought hit me like a wave, crashing over me, drowning me in guilt. If I had just protected you better. If I had just kept you safe from all of this. If I had-

A sob tore from my throat, and I couldn't stop it. It came from somewhere deep, somewhere raw, somewhere that had been buried under everything I had been trying to hold together. The guilt. The sorrow. The endless, burning ache that never stopped.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, the words barely escaping my throat. "I'm so sorry, Jake. If I had just been there... if I hadn't let you go... you'd be here. You'd be with me. You'd be alive. You'd be-"

But the words got stuck in my throat. I couldn't finish the sentence. I couldn't make sense of it. How could I? How could I explain the hole inside of me that was so deep, so dark, that nothing could fill it? How could I explain that the love I had for you was the only thing left in me, but it wasn't enough to bring you back?

I bent down then, my hand shaking as I placed the photo back down beside the bouquet of flowers. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I couldn't stop myself from breaking.

"You were my everything, Jake," I whispered, my voice trembling. "You were my everything. I love you. I'll always love you... and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll never forget you. Never..."

I sat there for what felt like hours, my body shaking, my heart breaking, my mind screaming in silence. I didn't know how long I stayed there, but I couldn't bring myself to leave. I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye.

Because you weren't gone. You couldn't be. You wouldn't be.

But deep down, I knew the truth.

You were gone. And I was left here, alone.