Ineffable 𓇢𓆸 || Jakehoon

❄️ Chapter 81 ❄️

The room was cold, too cold, despite the blankets I had wrapped around myself. The chill seeped into my bones, but it wasn't the cold that kept me awake. It was the emptiness. The hollow space in my chest that never went away, no matter how tightly I closed my eyes or tried to numb the pain. The hours dragged on, one after the other, but sleep never came.

I could still feel the weight of the night pressing against me. The darkness outside the window, thick and unyielding, seemed to echo the silence in my heart. I turned over in bed again, my body aching with exhaustion, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape the thoughts of him.

The late-night talks we used to have.

I remembered them like they were yesterday. Those soft, quiet moments when the world felt like it was asleep, and it was just the two of us. I could hear his voice so clearly in my mind now, even though he was gone. His calm, soothing tone, the way he'd always ask about my day, about my thoughts, about the smallest details of life that made everything feel meaningful. We'd talk for hours. About dreams. About the future. About silly things. And always, always, there would be that smile.

The warmth of his smile. It felt like the sun, even in the coldest moments.

But now...

Now, all I had were the memories.

I could still hear his voice, but it was fading, slipping through my fingers like sand, like everything else. The memories felt distant now, too far away. They felt like someone else's life. A dream I once lived but now couldn't touch. It was almost like I was forgetting how he smelled, how his laugh sounded, how his hands felt in mine. But no, I couldn't forget.

I reached out and grabbed the necklace he gave me. The one he wore around his neck every day, that he gave me. His fingers had touched it. He had given it to me with that smile, that soft smile of his that always made me feel like everything would be okay.

I held it tightly in my palm, closing my eyes, feeling the cool metal against my skin. I pressed it to my chest, hoping it would somehow bring him back. That if I held it close enough, I could feel him again. Feel his presence. His warmth. His love.

But all I could feel was the cold emptiness in my heart, the aching void that never seemed to leave.

I wanted so badly to hear his voice again. To feel his arms around me, to hear him whisper that everything would be okay, just like he always did. But now...

Now he was gone.

I squeezed my eyes shut, but the tears came anyway. They always did. Sometimes I wondered if I would ever stop crying. If I would ever stop hurting. If I would ever stop missing him.

But I didn't know how to stop. How could I? He had been my everything. The person who made me feel alive, made me feel whole. The person who understood me in ways no one else ever could. He was my strength, my light in the darkest of times. And now he was just... gone. Vanished from this world, leaving me to pick up the pieces of a life I couldn't seem to put back together.

I could hear his laughter in my mind, so clearly, so perfectly. It felt like it was right next to me, like he was still there. Still laughing. Still with me. But when I opened my eyes, it was just... darkness. Just this empty, aching room. The silence. The absence of him.

"Jake," I whispered, my voice cracking. "Where are you? Where did you go? Why did you leave me? I need you..."

I felt like I was drowning in the words I couldn't say, in the things I never got to tell him. I couldn't stop asking myself if there was something I could've done differently. If I could've stopped him from going. From leaving me.

My tears fell freely now, streaming down my face as I lay there, tangled in the sheets, lost in the ocean of my sorrow.

Why am I still here?

The thought cut through me like a knife. It wasn't a thought I ever wanted to have. I didn't want to question why I was still breathing when the one person who meant everything to me was gone.

But every night, the same emptiness. The same ache. The same hollow feeling in my chest.

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't escape the memories, the hurt. My body was tired, so tired from the endless crying, from the weight of the loss. But my mind wouldn't let me rest. My thoughts wouldn't stop spinning, pulling me back to that day, to the moment when I lost him.

It felt like everything around me was asleep. The world was quiet, but inside, I was screaming. I was screaming for him. Screaming for the warmth of his touch, for the sound of his voice, for the feeling of him next to me.

But there was no answer.

Only the silence. Only the darkness. Only the weight of the pain.

I couldn't sleep. I wouldn't sleep. Not when every part of me was still holding on to him, even though he was gone. I closed my eyes again, hoping, praying that somehow, somehow, I would be able to find peace. That someday, the tears would stop, and the emptiness would fade.

But it never did.

And so, every night was the same. A restless, endless cycle.

Helpless.

I was helpless. Helpless to change what had happened. Helpless to bring him back. Helpless to escape the overwhelming sadness that wrapped around me like a prison I couldn't escape.

I held the necklace tighter, as if somehow, in doing so, I could hold on to him just a little longer. Feel him a little more.

But it wasn't enough.

It was never enough.

______

So guys I'm going to end it tomorrow because tomorrow is jakehoon day!! 23ed ✨ so hope you all still read this 🤞🏻❤️ thank you guys for the support and all 💐💗 btw I have a secret to tell to you guys 😆