Carisia
"Talaga ba, Enrico? Pagtatalunan natin pati ito?"
As soon as we arrived at our suite, nagsimula na ang pag-angat ng tensyon sa pagitan naming dalawa.
Paulit ulit siya ng tanong mula sa sasakyan hanggang sa elevator, hanggang sa makarating kami dito sa kwarto.
"Hindi ako nakikipagtalo. I'm just asking why you had to do that in there? Ni hindi ko man lang nalaman muna?" he reasoned out.
I rolled my eyes and I continued walking away, but he was able to grasp my arm, causing me to unconciously clench my jaw in annoyance at my husband's attitude.
To give him the satisfaction, I turned my head to meet his gaze.
"Why? Para masigurado mo kung totoo? Mukha ba akong nagbibiro, Enrico? Did you know how many times I tried to get rid of this--"
"Hold up! You did what? So matagal mo ng alam at sinusubukan mong ilaglag, is that what you're telling me?"
I was silenced with his reaction.
Something about his anger puzzled me.
Is he mad that I tried getting rid of the baby?
"Galit ka?" I can't believe how incredibly stupid my question was, but I couldn't help blurting it out.
His grasp turned soft, and his stance became less aggressive. The crease on his forehead instantly disappeared, and all of these are confusing me.
"Of course, I'm mad that you even had the idea to get rid of the baby. That's my child, Carisia."
I was caught off guard with his reaction, a bit flabbergasted, if I may say.
He cares?
"No matter how messed up we are--that doesn't change the fact that I care, especially now," he added.
I wasn't able to speak so I just stared at his eyes, hoping to catch a glimpse of truth in his words.
"Don't ever hide these kinds of things from me again, understand?" he asked, his gaze softer than usual.
I subtly nodded, so subtle that I don't know if he noticed it.
"Magbihis ka na. Masikip 'yang damit mo," he coldly said before walking to the bathroom.
My eyes lingered at his back figure until he was out of sight. The moment he was out of my vision, I was able to breathe properly.
Parang sumikip ang damit ko sa pakiramdam dahil sa mga nangyari kanina. My chest feels so tight and I had to deepen my breath in order to regain my strength.
Instantly, I began feeling hot because of my outfit. I unbuttoned my suit and it somehow eased the feeling.
To be honest, I expected something far from his reaction. I thought he was gonna question everything, baka nga hindi pa tanggapin.
None of the worst case scenarios that I have in my head, happened.
Apparently, his mind is a huge maze that no one can seem to figure out, not even me.
He's in the shower but he left the bathroom door open so I went ahead para makapaghilamos na ako dahil ang init na talaga ng pakiramdam ko.
He only took a quick shower so he was done in just a few minutes.
"Kailan mo pa nalaman?" he asked as soon as he got out of the shower.
I pretended to look busy by organizing the stuff I scattered on the countertop. "I can't remember. A week ago?"
He stopped in the midst of drying his hair with a towel, and his expression turned unpredictable.
"You knew you were pregnant, and you drank liquor? Seriously, Carisia, gusto mo talagang ipalaglag ang batang 'yan?"
I shut my eyes to try and control my mouth from blurting out things that I would regret saying.
"Cari--"
"I was scared, okay?"
I never wanted to look vulnerable in front of him, but I have no choice.
That's how I truly feel. Takot ako. No matter how strong and confident everybody sees me, I'm still just a scared, vulnerable woman.
This is serious business. This is a child. Hindi na 'to basta bastang kasal na pwedeng ipawalang bisa in the long run. This is a human being na palalakihin namin.
He went up behind me, his arms rubbing mine. It felt comforting, somehow. "Why are you scared? If you're scared of raising a child, I'm here. Anak ko rin 'yan," he whispered, as if trying his best to reassure me despite of having a cold attitude.
"Paano ko pagkakatiwalaan 'yang mga salita mo kung hindi mo mailayo 'yang mata mo kay Amira?"
The silence which reigned between us after I said that, was too palpable to even ignore.
I think I hit a nerve, but I don't care. He gets in my nerves all the time.
Napabuntong hininga siya, saka ako pinaharap sa kaniya.
He looked guilty, based on the expression which I can read from his eyes. "Look, I'm sorry. I just happened to see her earlier. I had no plans of talking or interacting with her tonight," he said, then his lips planted a soft, lingering kiss on my cheek.
"Don't stress over it, masama sa'yo. You should get ready for bed," he uttered before leaving me in the bathroom.
My mind just got more befuddled. Ang hirap mag-isip ng diretso with all these contradicting thoughts running around in my head.
***
I couldn't sleep. Until now, iniisip ko pa rin ang mga pangyayari kanina.
Enrico knows about his baby--so ano? There's no way out for me now? I really have to stay in this loveless marriage?
Not entirely loveless but...stagnant? I know one day, he'll grow tired of this set up, and I don't know what'll happen when that day comes, lalo na't magkakaanak kami.
In the midst of my restless thoughts, I felt his arm from behind, crawling to go around my waist.
My breath hitched upon feeling his nose nuzzled up on the crook of my neck. His warm breaths made it harder for me to fall asleep. It kept me more awake.
It's these kinds of gestures in the most unexpected moments that makes me overthink my situation with Enrico.
He can be soft and vulnerable at times, but more often than not, he's cold, dark, and unpredictable.
I just wonder how he truly feels about this child? I wonder what's going on inside his head the minute I told them about it.
*
End of Chapter 8
*
