Carisia
I woke up from the bright lights coming from the ceiling and the strong scent of rubbing alcohol stuck up in my nose.
Greeted by the mint green and white walls, I realized that I was still in the hospital. Who was I kidding? I just gave birth a few hours ago.
The moment I tried shuffling, it felt like all the pain from giving birth earlier just came back all at once.
"Hey, hey, don't move too much." I heard my husband's voice so I turned my head to that direction, and I noticed his tired eyes and ruffled hair.
He carefully held me by the waist so he can reposition me on the bed without hurting me. "Do you need anything? Huwag ka munang gumalaw masyado," he concernedly said.
"I'm hungry," I told him.
I feel so empty and drained, like I'm not even in the mood to sleep or anything. I just want to zone out and regain the energy I exerted earlier.
From the ambience of the place, seems like the sun hasn't risen yet. It feels comfortingly quiet and peaceful, with only the sound of hospital machines from outside.
Enrico sat beside me, on the edge of the bed, while brushing the thin strands of hair that somehow got on my face. "What do you want to eat? Wala pang bukas na restaurants sa labas so I'll just have the chef prepare something at home," he softly said.
I'm in the mood for soup.
"I want hot sopas," I requested.
He nodded, then he fished his phone out from his pocket and called the staff.
While he was busy giving orders at home, I roamed my eyes around the room, and my heart seemed like it stopped for a moment when I saw the bassinet just beside my bed, where my baby is peacefully asleep.
I tried moving over to the side, slowly and carefully, but Enrico immediately noticed my efforts of getting to the edge of the bed so he rushed to my side.
"I told you not to move too much," he firmly said while assisting me to sit on the edge.
"I want to see the baby," I told him.
He then put his phone aside, then gently pushed the bassinet closer to me.
The moment I saw her cute, little face...my eyes instantly brimmed with tears. I'm not an emotional person who cries over simple things, but just the sight of my daughter is making me cry.
"You're so adorable," I whispered while reaching for her cheek.
In the midst of the precious moment, it suddenly dawned on me that I don't know how to hold a baby.
Enrico and I looked at each other, and in the most embarassed tone, I muttered, "I don't know how to hold her properly."
I don't even know how to pick her up from the bassinet.
As if on cue, someone knocked on the door so Enrico went ahead and opened the door for that person.
"Good morning po!" A nurse entered and greeted me.
"Good morning," I replied.
Turns out, she was just going to check a few things with me and the baby. She's the assigned nurse pala for us.
Before she could leave, I had to stop her for a favor. "Uhm...this is gonna sound weird, but can you please help me carry her? I don't know how," I confessed as I let out an awkward laugh.
She chuckled politely as she set her clipboard down on the bed before walking over to the bassinet.
Delicately, she picked up Cassie and showed us the right places to hold her when picking her up.
"Am I holding her right?" I asked after she transferred Cassie to me.
"Yes po." She smiled.
I didn't even notice that I was holding my breath since she transferred the baby to me. I just fear that I might drop her or I might be holding her the wrong way.
"Thank you," I expressed my gratitude towards the nurse for kindly helping me, then she courteously bowed her head and excused herself.
Cassie's deep in her slumber, making it easier for me to observe her features.
My goodness, she is so beautiful. I love her long lashes and her little nose.
"Hi, Cassie..." I whispered while staring at her beautiful face.
I hate myself for even trying to get rid of you, my beautiful angel. I'm so, so, so sorry, baby!
Enrico stood in front of me, so I looked up at him, showing another vulnerable side of mine.
He touched my cheek, and I realized that he was actually wiping my tears away. "You okay?" he asked.
"More than okay," I managed to say before my voice broke into sobs.
My husband squatted down, looking concerned while continously wiping my cheeks. "Shh, don't cry. May masakit ba sa'yo?"
I shook my head 'no' as I planted soft kisses on Cassie's forehead. "I'm okay," I uttered. "I'm just glad she's okay even after the things I did."
I can't believe I'm holding the energetic baby that loves kicking when her Dad talks to her at night, the baby that made me crave for all sorts of things, the baby that caused my frequent mood swings, and most importantly, the baby that began this family.
Because I'm quivering from crying, Enrico assisted me in holding the baby by supporting my arms.
"Of course, she's okay. You took good care of her while she had to rely on you," he said in such a comforting tone.
Realizing how ridiculous I look, I had the urge to laugh, making me look crazier. "I'm still hormonal! Do you want to hold her?" I offered because I look such a mess.
He wasn't responding so I looked at him, and I noticed that he was just staring at Cassie.
"Hey, do you want to hold her?" I repeated.
"I don't know how."
His response made me laugh. First time parents dilemma, it is.
"I'll help you. Come on," I called.
He had no choice but to sit next to me and follow my instructions. It took a while, but he successfully carried Cassie in his arms without needing my help.
"She's so light," he commented while slowly craddling Cassie.
"And so small," I added.
"No wonder your bump was small, too," he pointed out. "The little princess inside was small pala."
As I watched Enrico carrying our daughter-- everything that happened from the beginning of our relationship, up to the point when I found out that I was pregnant with her, everything just flashed on the back of my mind, reminding me of all the ups and downs we had to go through, just to reach this point.
Seeing how delicate Enrico was with the baby, how in love he looked while watching her sleep, I'm just so grateful that it happened with him. I wouldn't have it any other way, given another chance to start again.
While savouring the moment, I wrapped my arm around his back and I looked over his shoulders, which caused him to turn to face me.
"I love you," I told him while staring into his eyes.
He leaned his face close, giving me a smack kiss. "I love you, too. Thank you for giving me another reason to live."
No, you both gave me another reason to live. I don't know what good deed I have done in my life or even in my past ones to receive a blessing such as this. I don't even feel like I'm worthy of you both, so I promise to take good care of you two.
You and Cassie are illuminating my cold and dark world, now.
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End of Chapter 27
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