Enrico
It's been a week since we brought home our little bundle of joy who seems to be a quiet and behaved baby. She doesn't fuss a lot, unlike other babies. Although when she cries, she cries for a long time!
In a way, I realized the changes in Cari and I's relationship. Not in a bad way, though. It's rather good. The fact that we are both acting like parents...I never saw it coming.
I've also became a much light sleeper and a hyperaware Dad. Kaunting ingay sa gabi, nagigising ako. Pareho kami ni Cari.
To care for our newborn, I transitioned into a pair of gentle hands. My then firm voice had to be much softer and quieter than before.
I didn't notice...I was already becoming a Dad, day by day, little by little.
As I stepped out of the bathroom after getting ready for today's work, I found my wife resting against the headboard, with the baby being craddled on her arms.
To say that this view is heartwarming, is an understatement. It's inexplicably beautiful and wondrous. I'm not for cheesy stuff, but the way my wife looks at our child...I've never seen anything so pure and innocent like it.
When she probably noticed my presence, Cari lifted her head up and smiled when our eyes met.
"Good morning, Daddy!" she happily exclaimed while showing Cassie to me.
"Good morning." I greeted back as I'm walking towards the bed. "How's your sleep?" I asked after planting a kiss on top of her head.
"It was good. Hindi ako ginising ni Cassie in the middle of the night," she proudly said.
That's good. At least, my dedication on staying up almost all night just to make sure that Cari sleeps through it without being awaken by Cassie, it all paid off.
"Not crying? That's new," I kidded while buttoning up the cuffs of my long sleeves.
"She's in a good mood today," Cari answered, then she looked at me. "You're leaving na?"
Is this woman trying to make me stay? Because it's working.
"I am. Why?"
She looked like she's forcing a smile before averting her gaze somewhere else. "Take care. Update me," she murmured.
Okay, I need to leave for work, but I'm getting this nagging feeling that she's not okay.
But she's not talking about it...so I suppose she can handle it?
I'm having second thoughts on leaving. Since when did I double think about going to work?
***
Carisia
A few minutes after Enrico left, and I can already feel the loneliness kicking in. I had to put Cassie back down on the crib and take a few deep breaths.
Honestly, I'm totally overjoyed that our baby is now here but-- I don't know why I'm having such negative thoughts.
Iniisip ko na lang, it might be because I've been lacking sleep for the past few days, or maybe it's my post pregnancy hormones.
Whatever it is, it's messing up with my brain.
My thoughts were abruptly cut when I heard knocking outside the room. I composed myself first before walking towards the door to open it.
"Ma'am? Kain daw po kayo. Pinahanda po ni Sir Enrico bago siya umalis," sabi ng katulong namin na may dalang tray ng pagkain.
I'm not really hungry. Actually, I'm not in the mood for anything.
Ugh! What's wrong with me?
"Sige, pakipasok na lang," pakisuyo ko.
Hindi rin naman ako kakain. Pinalagay ko lang sa kwarto para hindi magsumbong kay Enrico.
After she left, I headed back to the bed, trying to be as quiet as I can so I won't wake my baby up.
I'm not in the mood to use my phone, to eat, to get up and work, to do my old hobbies. I'm just...not in the mood for anything at all. At all.
What the freak is happening to me? Hindi ako ganito. Is this how I'm supposed to function after having a child??
I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I had to go to the bathroom and wash my face with cold water just to wake myself up.
I don't know why, but by the time I turned on the lights in the bathroom and was greeted by the plain interior, I just sat on the floor and cried.
Something's wrong with me and I can't pinpoint what it is.
Overly distracted with my emotions, I was startled when I felt a pair of hands on my arms, trying to lift me up.
I thought I was dreaming at first.
"What are you doing here? Kanina ka pa umalis ah?"
"I knew you weren't okay so I headed back," he said.
With no one else to turn to, I embraced him and I began sobbing with no clue as to why I'm feeling this way.
***
"Ubusin mo na 'yan. You need lots of nutrients," he kept on saying while we're having breakfast.
"Bakit ka nga kasi bumalik? You might be needed at the office," I insisted.
"Carisia...if I knew that you weren't okay but I didn't do anything about it, do you think my conscience will leave me alone?"
I was silenced.
So...he still cares? Even after the baby is no longer dependent on my body? He actually cares about me?
"I don't understand myself rin kasi eh..." I tried to hold back my tears because I can feel it brimming on my eyes again.
I expected him to tell me to stop crying, but he just embraced me again like what he did earlier.
"You'll lose water if you keep on crying," he calmly said while tapping my back and rubbing my hair. "Tahan na."
Knowing that I got someone with me through all of this just makes me want to cry more. At least I know I'm not alone.
"Are you not gonna head back to work?" I managed to whisper in between sobs.
"I'll take a week off. You need me."
The words that came out from his mouth was enough reason to think that he really do cares.
I know he confessed about him being in love with me, long before I gave birth to Cassie, but my mind is playing tricks on me, making me think that he might just be saying that because I'm carrying his child.
Now that Cassie's here, it sounds ridiculous but I hope he still feels that way. How I wish I know what goes on in that mind of his, because I'm hoping that he doesn't see me as his arranged bride anymore.
Dang it! I really lost this game. I fell in love.
The unspoken forbidden rule of an arranged marriage. To never fall in love. I broke it. Deeply. Madly.
*
End of Chapter 29
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