but what's a mistake anyways
other than something that is undoubtedly ours.
our last mistake will be our final possession.
there's a strange form of being suicidal
where even the thought of killing yourself has killed itself
such that you're left in an active limbo,
a radical openness, that tunnels around your head
like a halo when you turn the lights off.
please one more
kiss in the kitchen
before the lights turn on us.
love needs space to breathe
but whatever breathes perishes
and we know that so we close it up,
ribbontie it down, and call it love.
as i rise out a heavy sorrow, i am leavening
into a memory of a structure of feeling:
how i wanted to be better for you
but also wanted you to be with someone better than me.
is that a paradox or a contradiction?
you'd have said it's a contradiction
while i'd have said it's a paradox.
but you live as a paradox while i live as a contradiction.
now is that a paradox or a contradiction?
or is that the last mistake?
~ ajay
2/12/2024
