How Everything Changed (Book 4)

Chapter 8

*Jeff*

You know, Matt did tell me that there was so much better easier ways to deal with pain. I really hadn't intended on cutting myself and I knew by doing this I was probably going to risk my friendship with Morgan. But it felt right, but after I cut myself and Matt barged in, I stared at my arm thinking, "Oh shit what have I done, what is Morgan going to say if and when she finds out?" I did hear Matt going into the other room and talk to Morgan in a frantic tone. He then barged back in and held me up against the wall, held a rag onto my wrist, and trying to make sure I stayed conscious. I wouldn't look at anyone the whole time, not even Morgan, who I knew had came in. She got down beside me, but I still didn't have the balls to look at her. Would you, if you had cut yourself?

"What the fuck were you thinking?" Morgan said, trying to remain calm. She did really well on that because I didn't have my face slapped or anything yet. I still wouldn't look at her though. I saw her take the towel and tied it to my wrist and let me just say that hurt like a bitch.

"I really wish you didn't do this. This is bad. I should know, Jeff. I want to know why the hell you did this? Out of all the things, you did this?" she said looking over at me. Still I didn't look at her, also, I couldn't tell her that the reason that I did it was because I loved her and if I couldn't have her then what was the point. I know what you're thinking, "well, you did screw up with her so many times." Yes I did, but at the end, none of the girls I had dated, or in Taryn's case, kissed, could compare to her. She was a real woman, not any of the girls I dated. The reason I couldn't tell her any of this is because 1) I didn't want her to storm off again thinking that I was pulling the blame game on her and 2) I felt ashamed enough that I had actually gone through with this.

"Will you at least promise me you wont do it again?" I don't know if I can do that if you're not going to be in my life anymore.

"Promise me." But, if I do it again, you'd probably walk out on me anyway...I better take the lesser of two evils.

I nodded and she smiled and hugged me. I felt relief rush through my body. Not much because I was still feeling guilty that I had actually gone through with this. She held onto me as Matt came back in.

"Okay the paramedics are on their way. Man, I still cant believe you did this." I tensed up a little as Matt was going to grill me for what I did. Its okay I deserve it.

Morgan walked away from me and whispered something in Matt's ear. She came back over to me as Matt said he was going to watch for the ambulance.

*Reby*

I was feeding Maxel when I saw Morgan frantically walk by, clearly scared out of her mind. This was the second time in two hours she's been here. Matt told me what happened last night with Jeff, and while I was not happy about bringing Maxel's drunk uncle into my house, I was okay with it. To be honest, before Morgan and Jeff even met and Beth left, he would be depressed and drink, prompting Matt to bring him over to our house. I was used to it then, but now I was a mom and I didn't want that shit exposed to my son.

Matt came downstairs and grabbed the phone frantically. I was suddenly worried, because I picked up on his worry. It was something we had developed as we matured as adults together. "What's wrong?" I said going over to him and putting my hand on his shoulder. He looked up to me as he said his address into the phone and then what he said next scared me.

"Yes, my little brother tried to harm himself." My arm dropped at that. Jeff tried to commit suicide? And he tried to commit suicide with a baby in the house? Oh when he gets better I am going to give him what for. After Matt hung up the phone, he took me by the shoulders.

"Everything's fine."

"Everything's not fine, Matt! How could you say that when Jeff tried to commit suicide in my house!" I whispered.

"Look, I know it's bad, but we need to be calm or it will be worse, okay?" I said kissing her forehead. "Don't come in until we get him out the door okay?"

"Okay," I said sighing. I didn't like it, but I had to be calm for Maxel and Jeff's sake. I didn't want to get Maxel upset, even though he wouldn't understand what was going on, and I didn't want to get Jeff worked up, on the off chance that he did again.