Dead Stars

March 11th

Ever since you and Lauren broke up, I've been trying to avoid her at work. Mainly because if I saw her, I would drop kick her ass for hurting you. And also because it would be awkward.

But today at work, I overheard her talking to other people at the office about you. She said the most horrible things about you and your relationship with her. I wanted so badly to walk in and beat the hell out of her.

I don't want to talk about what she said because it will just get me even more worked up than I already am.

But here's one thing I will say: if she wasn't happy, why did she stick around with you? That's what I don't understand. If she said she wasn't contented about the relationship she had with you, why did she stay?

I will never understand the logic of those who cheat in relationships. If you're unhappy, then just leave and break off the relationship. There's no point in staying.

If she did that, you wouldn't be as hurt as you are now. In front of me, you're always smiling and pretending you're okay. But I know you, Niall. We've been best friends since we were in diapers. I know you more than you know yourself. I've been with you through everything. I have you memorized like the back of my hand.

I know you're hurting. I can see it in your eyes. I meant when I said that you're taking it a lot better than I expected, but that doesn't change the fact that you're not okay.

For the years I've known you, you have always wanted to come off as the tough one— the strong one. You and I both know that's not always the case.

I know you don't want to hear things like tomorrow's a brand new day or that the sun will continue on shining. Don't worry, I won't tell you that. But what I will tell you is that there will be rainy days and days where you'll feel nothing but pain. There will be days where you'll feel like the world is against you. There will be days where you want nothing but to be alone and sulk in your own sadness.

It's okay to be hurting the way you are. I cannot promise that you will be okay in the very near future, but I do know that things will eventually get better. Maybe not tomorrow, or the day after, or the months after, but one day, everything will fall back into place.

And when that day comes, I'll be right here.

Anyway, tomorrow's the day we leave. I talked to my parents earlier today about our little adventure we're about to do. They told me it was a bad idea and that I should just stay and continue doing my job. I tried to convince them that I'll be fine and I'll be working wherever we go, but they still didn't like the idea.

They told me if I went, they would no longer talk to me. We had this huge argument over the phone about it. Can you believe it?

They don't get it. They don't get why I need to do this. We've been dreaming of this for as long as I remember and here's our opportunity, which by the way we may never get again. I wasn't going to pass this up.

Either way, I told them I was going and they weren't going to stop me.

But as long as I'm with you, I'll be fine. Right?

-P

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March 12th

An hour into our flight and you're already fast asleep. I'm not surprised as it is quite late at night back in the UK.

The entire day leading up to our flight has probably been the most stressful day as we went around running buying last minute things to bring with us and calling different hotels and small apartments for rent. Also, we had to spend two hours trying to pack all your clothes since you fell asleep early last night, which by the way is very typical of you.

This morning when we woke up and had breakfast, I was having doubts. Did we make the right decision? Were we doing the right thing? Was this worth losing my parents?

All these doubts went away earlier today when we were packing your stuff. While I was folding your shirts, you stopped and looked up at me. You had this smile on your face, the kind of smile that leaves you feeling warm inside, and said, "I'm glad we're doing this."

And just like that all my doubts fade away.

Now that we're on the plane off to the first of our many adventures, I couldn't be more excited to be doing this. And even more so with you, Niall.

As we took off, I couldn't help but remember the time we first rode a plane. It was a couple of years ago when we both decided to move to Manchester to look for jobs. It was one of the biggest decisions we ever made.

Our families dropped us off at the airport and bid us goodbye. As we walked through the terminal and onto our plane, we were both quiet. The nerves and anxiety in us at that time was scary. We didn't know what ahead of us.

There were doubts in our minds. There are so many things that can go wrong by moving to Manchester. Could this be another one of our stupid decisions? And believe me, we've made a lot of stupid decisions. Moving to Manchester with you wasn't one of them.

At the start, yeah, we had a hard time. We struggled a lot. I first stayed in this shitty apartment with this bitch we both hated and you stayed in an apartment with a guy that played video games all day and did nothing with his life. We had the worst jobs in the world, but we stuck with it and kept working until we had enough money.

I was able to buy my own apartment and so did you. Although, you sold yours to move in with Lauren (which by the way was one of your stupid decisions. I remember telling you that it was a bad decision since you've only been going out for half a year, but you didn't listen to me. I hate to say I was right but.... I was right).

We then got better jobs. By better jobs, I mean better paying jobs. We didn't necessarily enjoy what we did but it was a way to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads. It hasn't exactly been the easiest these past few years, but we always had each other.

I know this whole trip will most likely be the same. I know there will be times where we will want to give up, pack our bags, and go home but no matter what we go through or what happens, we'll alright as long as we're together. And—

You woke up from your sleep. You asked me what I was writing and I told you I was just checking our checklist and made sure we had everything. You smiled softly and rolled your eyes. "Typical Peyton. Always making sure everything is perfect."

"Who else will do it?" I ask you, smiling. "Surely you wouldn't. You'll forget to pack something important like you did earlier today when we had to rush to buy adaptors when I've reminded you to pick them up yesterday."

You smiled cheekily and said, "That's why I have you."

Why do you do that? Why do you say things like that? It makes loving you so much harder because I know that you only see me as your best friend while when I look at you, I see my entire world.

I guess this is why you should never ever fall in love with your best friend.

-P