Dead Stars

November 18th

I've been up all night trying to find the right words to say here. Trying to find the right words to perfectly say everything that I am feeling inside, but it's a lot harder than I thought. I should atleast try though, right?

Let's start from the beginning.

When you met Patrice, I knew somehow we were going to end up in the cycle again. I was wrong about that. You and Patrice started going out way longer than you went out with the other girls you've dated. In fact, it's been two months since you started going out.

Although, I was right about some things. We never went to Disneyland instead you went with Patrice. You came home from Disneyland and told me about how you bumped into princess Belle, but didn't stay long because Patrice's favorite princess was princess Jasmine and wanted to have photos with her instead. Lovely.

I also went around Paris by myself. You kept promising to make it up to me, but you never did. You never even bothered.

After two weeks in Paris, you asked if we could stay longer and that we should get jobs to get more money. I ended up working with Patrice in some telephone company. You found your own job in some repair shop.

For the next two months, it's been the same. I'm all alone at the apartment and you're out with Patrice. The only time I get to spend time with you is when you actually take me along to your dates with her, which isn't very often. Even then, we don't get to talk or bond.

Ever since you met Patrice, it's always her. Every thing you do, every decision you make- everything revolved around her. I mean, I know you're happy with her and it hurts for me, but to hell with that. What about me?

Somewhere in the middle of those two months, you told me you loved her and that you knew that she was the one. She was different from the other girls you went out with in the past few months. Patrice was different and you were falling in love with her.

What surprised me was I didn't feel anything. I was numb. And I guess that's what happens when you become at home with the pain of loving your best friend.

With his happening in the past four months, I thought I could handle it. After all, this is the kind of pain I am used to. But with what happened last night, I've had enough.

Last night wasn't what I was expecting because you actually came home just in time for dinner. You were lucky because I cooked a little more than what I wanted. You seemed a little weird-a little suspicious.

Whilst we were eating, I asked you if you were okay and that you seemed a little off. You took in a deep breath, put your fork down, and looked at me. "There's something I need to tell you."

"What?" I asked getting a little nervous.

You held my hand, looked deep into my eyes, and said, "I'm going to ask Patrice to marry me."

"Wait, what?"

"I know it's all of the sudden," you went on, "But she's different, P. We've been going out for months only, but I don't know.... I just feel like she's the one. It just... it feels right with her. I don't think I've ever been so happy with someone-"

"What?" I asked again. You see, I couldn't process what you were trying to say. "You're going to ask Patrice to marry you?"

"Yes." You said proudly.

"Are you insane?" I asked you, "You've known her for two months, Niall. You can't get engaged to someone that quick."

"I know it sounds crazy-"

"Crazy?" I asked you, getting a little worked up. "Niall, this is not crazy. This is insane. Insane beyond words. In fact, insane doesn't even cut this. Are you out of your mind?"