Dead Stars

September 26th - New York City U.S.A (Part 1)

The entire time I spent trying to find you, I would always think about what I would say or how things would turn out. I would wonder if you still felt the same way or if you even wanted me back in your life. But I never imagined it would be like this. 

The moment I stepped in New York, I knew I couldn't waste anymore time. I had to find you. As soon as I got in my hotel, I literally pushed my luggage in and went straight off to find you. I got a cab and told him to take me to PREVIEW Magazine offices.

It was the first place I had to look. I knew how much you loved it there. You would come home and you had all these stories about the articles, the photoshoots, the clothes, and everything else. I remember sitting in the small dining room we had and seeing you with this smile-the smile where I know you're truly happy.

I knew you loved it there so much that it sort of pained me to make you have to leave. I was contemplating on talking to you and asking you if you wanted to stay. I knew I just couldn't make you leave because it made you happy, but the whole ditching-you-for-other-girls situation happened and I had to make it up to you somehow, so I bought the Hawaii tickets.

I should have made you stay. You were happy there. For that, I am sorry. I'm sorry for everything, actually.

When I got to the office, I went straight to the receptionist and asked if you worked there. She answered and said, "Peyton? Peyton Gallagher?"

"Yes!" I answered almost too excitedly. "Yes, her."

"She does work here." The receptionist smiled. I sigh of relief came out and I remember my mind going "She's here. She's here. She's here." And then the receptionist continued, "But she just left about an hour ago. Can I take a message or set you up for an appointment?"

"I really need to see her. It's kind of an emergency." I answered, "I'm Niall. I'm her best friend. I just... it's an emergency. Can I have her address instead?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not allowed-"

"Please? Please?" I pleaded. "I need to see her. I know it's now allowed, but I really need to see her. There's something she should know."

Maybe it was the way I begged or the look in my face that made her give it to me. She secretly handed me a piece of paper with her address in it. I thanked her and ran out.

I stood out by the curb for about fifteen minutes before finally being able to find a cab. It was a long, painful fifteen minutes. It was a good thing too, he knew where your apartment building was.

The entire ride to your apartment building, I started thinking again about what I would say when I first see you. I thought about how things would pan out. I tried to formulate sentences of what to say that moment my eyes land on you.

The cab ride to your apartment was a mix of emotions. I was relieved I have finally found you after all these months of back and forth. I also felt really and incredibly stupid that I didn't figure this out any sooner. I knew New York was your first love. I don't know why I never thought about it. And lastly, I was nervous because just like what I said, I would come up with scenarios in my head of how this will turn out. I didn't know what was going to happen.

When the cab stopped in front of you building, the nerves came rushing in wave after wave. I paid the can driver, stepped out, and walked right in the building. The piece of paper said that you were on the seventh floor, apartment F. That's where I went.

It didn't take long until I found the apartment the receptionist said you lived in. As I stood there, I started to doubt if she gave me the right address. For all I know, she could have made up some address or sent me to someone crazy. Either way, I knew I had to knock.

As I was about to knock, I froze. Was I doing the right thing? Should I be doing this? What If she doesn't want me in her life anymore? - all these questions ran through my mind. I took in a deep breath and told myself that I had to atleast try. I did not want to spend the rest of my life regretting or wondering what could have happened if I knocked.

I took another step towards the door and knocked thrice. For some reason, as soon as I knocked, my eyes went straight down to the floor. I could hear some footsteps shuffling from inside the door. The nerves kept building up as I heard the footsteps come closer and closer.

As soon as the door swung open, I looked up and... It was you.

You let out a little gasp as soon as you saw me. I remember just standing there and staring at you. I've known you for almost all my life and standing there and looking at you, taking it all in, it felt like the first time.

"It's you." I let out a hushed breath, "You're here."

"Niall." You said softly, looking just as surprised as I probably was. "What are you doing here?"

"I had to find you." I answered, my voice still hushed.

You opened the door and let me in. "Come in, come in." You said, "I'm sorry I look like this, I didn't think anyone was coming. Let alone you."

It was ridiculous hearing you say that because I've seen every you there is to see. I didn't say anything though, I just smiled softly. I took a seat on your couch and you sat opposite of me.

"How did you find me?" You asked.

I smiled at you and said, "I followed the stars."

You chuckled softly and said, "I can't believe you're here. It's been so long."

"10 months." I answered, "It's been 10 months."

"I can't believe this." You mutter softly.

I shrugged, "I could say the same actually."

We stayed there quietly. The both of us not saying anything. Just taking everything in. I took this moment to look at you, to really look at you. You looked different. A good kind of different, of course.

I couldn't exactly point out what was different about you, but you did seem to glow a whole lot more and you seemed happy. But your eyes were still your eyes. They were still those beautiful blue eyes that had so much wonder, so much love, and beauty in them. And you still had that same smile.

You took in a deep breath and turned to look at me, "Niall, why are you here?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but before I do someone steps in the room with us. You and I both stood up. "Calvin." You said.

"Calvin?"

You smiled softly at me and said, "You remember Calvin, don't you?" You walked towards him and he put his arm around your waist. I nodded my head. I did remember him.

"You live with him?" I asked.

You looked up at him and had a small smile on your face, "Yeah. He's my fiancé. We're engaged."

After hearing you say that, I don't remember anything else. It was like my world crumbled right before my very eyes. This was one of the things I was afraid of. I was afraid that you had found someone else. I had pictured this scenario in my head countless times, but I didn't think it would hurt this much.