Dead Stars

June 13th - Honolulu, Hawaii

As soon as we arrive, we were greeted by the Kalani family. You told me that during our stay in Hawaii, we would be living with a family. You said that they were willing to let us stay with them and tour us around Hawaii, which was exciting. Also, it was a lot cheaper.

Mr. and Mrs. Kalani have two beautiful, beautiful children named Lani and Kai. Lani was four years old and Kai just turned two.

As soon as we met with them, they put a necklace of flowers or lay, as they would say, around our necks and brought us to their home. Mrs. Kalani showed us our rooms and made us feel at home.

After dinner, which was extremely delicious, you and I decided to sit by the beach and relax a bit. We sat on some beach towels that Mrs. Kalani lent us and watched as the waves kissed the shore.

It was around eleven in the evening. We were both quite tired from the flight, but didn't want to sleep yet.

Out of nowhere, you let out this long sigh and said, "I miss her."

"Who?" I asked.

"Lauren."

"Oh." I said quietly. Was I surprised? No. Was I hurt? Of course, I was. Sometimes I say I'm used to the pain of loving someone who doesn't love me back, but I don't think anyone could ever get use to pain like this.

"Have you heard from her?" I stupidly ask.

You shook your head and let out a small chuckle. "Of course not. Why would she? I don't matter to her anymore, which sucks when you think about it. She's with the person she loves."

You matter to me, I wanted to say. But just like the past years, I just kept it in.

I just smiled sadly at you and said, "I know you really loved her, but she's not the one for you, whether you accept that or not. And she's the reason why we're doing this. She's the reason why we're here. We're here to look for the one, right? I believe she's out there, I really do."

I wasn't sure if I believed myself, but you did. You smiled at me and kissed the top of my forehead. "This is why you're my best friend."

After that, we spent a few more minutes outside in complete silence. When it got colder, we went inside and into our rooms. She had two extra rooms, which meant we got our own rooms.

I was lowkey happy that we weren't roommates and didn't have to share a room because that meant space. Space away from you— it's something I need to keep myself sane, you know?

I love being around you and being with you, but sometimes being around you is like being suffocated. No, it's not because I'm sick of your face or anything. It's because if I don't, I'll explode. Keeping all these feelings bottled in isn't the easiest, I'll tell you that.

We're only halfway through out adventures, Niall. I can't wait to see what's up ahead.

-P

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June 14th 

Both Mr. and Mrs. Kalani needed to work today and the kids had school, which meant we had the day to ourselves. They allowed us to drive around the island, but we were both too scared to even if there was a GPS.

We just stayed by the beach most of the day. I started reading this book I got in New York filled with poetry. There's this one that I read that just perfectly captured everything I feel for you. It read,

I don't know what it's like to love someone, who the world tells me I am not supposed to love. I can't imagine how hard it must be to love someone I am afraid to kiss on the street.

But I do know what it's like to love someone who I cannot be with. I know how it feels to have my brain tell me one thing, and my heart another. To live with the knowledge that if circumstances had been different, I would be with the one I love.

I do know there are all kinds of barriers to love. I do believe the world needs less of them. – Lang Leav

That's really all I have to say.

-P