Dead Stars

August 10th - Mullingar, Ireland

Being back in Mullingar felt weird. The drive from the airport to where our homes were felt strange. Everything else was the same. It was just as I remembered it. And I guess what made it feel strange was mI don't think I was the same person when I left Mullingar.

It also could have felt different because you weren't here. All my life here in Mullingar, I was with you. Going passed the places we used to go to when we were younger and just having these memories run through your head and just knowing that you weren't here with me, felt strange. It didn't feel much like home.

I didn't tell my parents I was coming back because it would be pretty nice to surprise them as well. When I knocked on the door and mom opened, you wouldn't believe the look on her face. It was priceless.

Dad and Greg weren't home, which just left me with mom. You can never guess what happened next. Just kidding, of course you can. She brought me to the kitchen and started to make our favorite tomato soup. I didn't complain. After all, it was pretty chilly the day I arrived. While she cooked, we caught up. I told her about the places we visited and the things we did in the different countries.

"Did you not go to Australia or Asia?" She asked smiling. "And what on earth are you doing here? I thought you were in Paris?"

"Yeah, uhmm, about that... there's something I should tell you." I tell mom, who suddenly looked panicked, "Maybe when you've finished cooking."

She nodded her head, finished cooking after a few minutes, grabbed two bowls and we both sat in the dining table. She started eating waiting for me to tell the story. I took in a deep breath and said, "Okay, so you know how Peyton and I have always wanted to travel the world together?"

She smiled softly and nodded her head.

"Well, when Lauren, my ex girlfriend, broke up with me last year March, I believe. I moved in Peyton's apartment a few days after. I was pretty upset over the breakup, which is why when I found our jar of money from when we were younger, I thought it would be a good idea to do the whole traveling the world thing straight away."

"I was able to convince Peyton to go. We both completely dropped our jobs and everything that was going for us at the moment to go on the trip. I also thought the trip would be the perfect opportunity to find the one. I told her that she could help me look for my one true love and so we did."

"I met girls in Los Angeles, New York, Naples. Athens, Madrid, and Stockholm. All of those girls turned out to be the complete opposite of the one. Then I met Patrice."

"Yeah, your ex-wife." My mom grumbled. "Of course."

"Yes, my ex-wife." I repeated, sighing, "Anyway, when I told Peyton I was going to propose, she went against it. We started yelling at each other and I said a few things I shouldn't have, which hurt her and then she told me everything."

"Everything?"

I nodded my head, "She told me how much of a jerk I've been in the trip. She told me how I would leave her to go with the girls I went out with, I toured almost every place in Europe without her, and completely took advantage of the fact she was with me. She told me how upset she was over it and how much I've hurt her because of it. After all, it was supposed to be our trip and I, somehow, turned it to some woman parade."

"Then she told me how her parents didn't even want her to go on the trip, but she went anyway because I needed her. And then..."

"And then?"

"She told me she loved me. Well, not really told me. She said and I quote, "You know you spent all this time looking for a girl who would look at you the way you looked at them when that's how I've always looked at you." And I remember standing there just looking incredible stupid and I don't think I've ever felt like such an asshole. She went in her room and started crying. I could hear her crying and it killed me, mom. I did that to her. The one person I thought I could never ever hurt... I did. I hurt her."