Dead Stars

June 12th

Do you remember the day we met?

We were like seven or eight, I think. It was the first day of first grade and our class was having our recess. I was sat alone in one of the tables and there were this group of girls and boys who were making fun of me because I was alone.

If I remember correctly, you were part of that table, but you didn't make fun of me. You stood up from that table and walked over to where I sat. I just stared at you and you smiled at me. You said, "I'm sorry about them. They're kind of mean, aren't they?"

I don't remember if I said anything. All I remember is just looking at you and being utterly confused as to why you would sit with me. "Do you mind if I sat with you?" You then asked, "I'm Niall, by the way."

"I'm Peyton." I said with a smile.

It wasn't anything grand, but that was the start of our friendship. Ever since then, we were inseparable. We spent everyday together. We didn't care if we were only two people in our table or if other kids made fun of us. We had each other and even as we grew up, that's what mattered to us more than anything else.

It's crazy to think how much we've grown and how much our friendship has grown over the years. I mean... think about it? All those years of adventures, trials, laughter, tears and look at where we are now. We're practically living one of our dreams together and because of this dream I was also able to experience one of my dream careers and so did you.

It's all been crazy, hasn't it? Time flies when you're having fun.

One of the best memories I have with you was when were junior year and it was coming around to junior prom. We both had our own dates and we spent months talking about the prom because, well, we were excited.

The night of the prom came and... my date ditched me. He left me to go attend junior prom with someone else.

I remember sitting in my living room, in my prom dress, crying because of how upset I was. After half an hour of being upset, there was a knock on my door. My mom answered it and she turned to look at me, "Guess who it is."

"If it's my date, I'd rather not, actually."

She shook her head and smiled at me, "No, look."

I looked up and I saw you. You were still in your suit, tie and all. You were out of breath from running and you just smiled sadly at me. You sat next to me and said, "I heard Joey ditched you."

I just smiled softly at you, wiping a tear away. "What are you doing here? You should be at the school gym with Ann by now."

"I would, but she hates me." You say with a small smile.

"Why?" I asked, confused.

"Because I kind of ditched her to go to you." You had this smile on your face that just instantly makes my heart beat a hundred times faster, but I remember just smacking your arm and shaking my head at you. "You jerk. She needs you!"

You just shrugged. "You needed me more."

I shook my head with a smile. You removed your suit jacket and unbuttoned your shirt. "So, what movies are we watching?"

I shook my head again and said, "You can't be here. You should be attending the junior prom. You've been buzzing about it for weeks. You should go."

"So have you!" You said.

"That doesn't matter. You should go."

"I'm not going without you." You said crossing your arms. I rolled my eyes and said, "Well, I'm not going."

"Then I'm staying." You said standing up and headed to the DVD rack by the TV. "How does Harry Potter sound?"

I shook my head for the billionth time and stood up and helped you choose DVDs to watch. And that's how we spent junior prom— watching movies at home. People tell me that prom is once in a lifetime, but I wouldn't trade that night for anything else in the world.

On the other hand, one of the worst moments I had with you was the day you told me you were in love with Lauren. Well, for me, atleast.

You met Lauren when you picked me up from work. You bumped into her as you were coming to my little office space. After that, you never shut up about her and made me set you and her up for a date.

Then the day you told me you loved her.... I remember so clearly.

You came knocking at my apartment at around eleven in the evening. You had just finished yet another date with Lauren. The first thing you said when I opened the door was, "I'm in love with her."

And it wasn't just that. It was the sparkle in your eye and the smile on your face. You were in love with her.

It killed me.

Watching you talk about her and how much you loved her, seeing your eyes shine, and seeing how happy you were when you talked about her.... it was like being stabbed.

All my life I've never cared for anyone as much as I cared for you, no one I have loved as much as I loved you. In my world, in my eyes, there was no one that could ever compare to you, Niall.

Before Lauren, I remember thinking, hoping that one day your heart will lead you to me and that maybe the stars would align for us. And if you would ask, I'd be yours.

That night the entire time you were speaking, all I could think of was I was going to lose you, that I was losing you. But then.... You were not mine to lose anyway. You were never mine in the first place.

Enough talk about that because today, we left New York, which is quite upsetting really, but the adventures we're going to have in the next few months are going to be crazy and I honestly can't wait.

Calvin was the one who dropped us off at the airport. It was quite hard saying goodbye to him because we have gotten really, really close over our stay here. When I hugged him goodbye, he said that anytime I want to come back to New York, I can stay with him and I can still work for PREVIEW— insane, I know.

Now, we're currently past five in the morning and we're heading to Honolulu in Hawaii. You were telling me right before you dozed off that you've got everything planned out for us in Hawaii, which was so unlikely of you.

Usually, we would play by ear and just take it as it comes. You've got everything down to the very detail. I asked you why you put so much effort into our Hawaii trip and you said, "I just want to make it special for you and this is my way of saying sorry for what I've done."

I said, "You didn't have to do all this to say sorry, Niall."

"I know." You said, "I just wanted to show you how much you mean to me. And honestly, this Hawaii trip isn't just for what I did in New York, it's for everything. I know you were hesitant to go on this trip because of work and everything else, but you went with my anyway because you knew how much of a hard time I was having when Lauren called it off."

"You dropped everything to join this trip with me, P." You sleepily smiled at me, "That means everything to me. This is just my way of saying thank you and sorry."

I smiled back at you. You leaned forward and kissed my forehead before resting your head on my shoulder and falling asleep.

Funny thing is: you still didn't have to do all that for me. No matter what situation, under any circumstance... I would choose you, Niall. In a heartbeat.

-P