Dead Stars

October 28th

I heard a knock on my door at nine in the evening. And after what happened between us two weeks ago, you were the last person in my mind to be knocking at my door, but there you stood.

"Hey." You said softly.

I smiled sadly, "Hey."

"Can we talk?" You asked softly.

I opened the door and let you in. You walked over to the couch, put your bag down, and looked at me. I shut the door and walked toward you, "I'm really sorry-"

"I told Calvin what happened." You said, cutting me off.

I was taken aback. "You did?"

"Yeah. We talked about it and..."

"And?"

"We had this fight about it." You continued, which made me cringe. This was the last thing I wanted to happen. "Then after the all the yelling, he sat me down and asked me if I still loved you. And I do. I love you, Niall. I always have. You were the first person I've ever loved. You will always have a place in my heart. But..."

Buts are never good, are they?

"All my life all I've ever known was my love for you. I loved you in ways I can never love another. You didn't know, but you made me so happy in the past years, Niall. I never felt as safe as I am with you. You were the person I shared my dreams with, shared my secrets with, talked about anything under the sun at three in the morning, danced in the middle of a museum with, and wished on the stars with. I loved you with everything in me that I didn't have enough love left to myself."

"You see, I loved you so much that I forgot to love myself. That's why I had to leave you, Niall. I didn't want to leave because I loved you, but it was time I put myself first. I went to Calvin because the entire time we were in Europe, he was the one I confided my feelings to when you were too busy with those other girls. When I came to New York, he took me in without a doubt in his mind. He took care of me when I was at my lowest. I would cry every night for you, Niall, and he was there to hold me until I stopped. And for the first time in the longest time, I was someone's first choice."

"Even with that, I still love you." You were crying now. You were holding my cheek with the palms of your hand, "I still love you, Niall. I love you."

"I love you." I said softly. I was crying too. "I didn't think I could ever love a person as much as I love you. The entire time I was looking for you, all I kept thinking was that I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to make it up to you and I was willing to do that because I love you, Peyton. I love you."

"I thought then I loved you but the love I had for you then doesn't compare to how I love you now. I love you with everything in me. I love you so much that it hurts, it actually fucking hurts. I love you. I love you so much." I tell you, "And I want you. I want all of you now and for the rest of my life. I want you more than I want anything in the world, but you should be with Calvin."

"You deserve it." I said, trying to hold back my tears. "You deserve the love he's giving you, Peyton. You should be with him."

You shut your eyes, letting the tears fall. "Niall, please don't-"

"No, no." I said grabbing your hands and holding them to my chest, "Listen to me, okay? You should be with Calvin. He will treat you the way you have always deserved to be treated. And he will love you the way I failed to."

You looked at my, tears streaming down your face. I wiped them away and smiled sadly at you, "You see, I love you so much that I just want you to be happy. Even if that happy means I'm no longer part of your adventures, of your life."

"I love you." You whisper to me softly. "I will always love you."

I shut my eyes and pulled you closer, "I love you."

You let go, grabbed your bag, and looked at me. I nodded my head at you and smiled. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay." You said softly before walking towards the door. Before you opened the door and left, you turned back to look at me and said, "And Niall?"

I looked up at you. You smiled softly and said, "You were my greatest adventure."

"And you were mine."

You looked down at the ground, turned around, and left. This time it was for good.

-N