The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox

Chapter 176: Acting in Piri's Stead

The Dragon King of the Western Sea didn't have authorization from Heaven for this typhoon.

As soon as his long neck stiffened, Flicker knew they had him. Still, the dragon tried to play it off with a toss of his mane and a "Harrumph!" that blew the fronds off several palm trees, including the one that Bobo and Stripey were perched in. Flicker could hear the snake's "Eeeeeee!" faintly over the wind.

"What right have you to demand my authorization?" blustered the Dragon King of the Western Sea.

Den caught Flicker's eye and nodded encouragement. Flicker spread his feet and clasped his hands behind his back, pretending he was a star god. I come from Heaven, he chanted to himself. He's an Earth-bound dragon. I come from Heaven. He lifted his chin and tried to curl his lip contemptuously, the way his Assistant Director might.

"I am Flicker, star sprite and second-class clerk in the Heavenly bureaucracy," he pronounced. It wasn't his actual job title that mattered here, but his position as the representative of the apparatus of Heaven. "Dragon King of the Western Sea, I require proof of your authorization to foment this typhoon. Law W.652 states that no Dragon of any Rank shall cause any Form of Precipitation, including but not limited to Rain, Snow, Sleet, or Hail, to fall upon the Earth unless it be on the Roll of Authorized Annual Precipitation proposed by the Meeting of the Dragon Host and sealed by the Director of Weather. Furthermore, no Dragon of any Rank shall cause any Form of Precipitation to fall upon the Earth in any Amount or for any Duration of Time that is not expressly specified on the Roll of Authorized Annual Precipitation. Violation of this Law is punishable by Decapitation."

Floridiana was regarding him with her mouth half-open, but it was star-child's play to rattle off long sentences when you didn't need to breathe.

"Did the Director of Weather send you to retrieve my authorization?" demanded the dragon who obviously did not have it and hence was begging for decapitation.

Still channeling his Assistant Director, Flicker attempted a haughty laugh. It came out more like a fake cough. "Your Majesty, the Director of Weather is far too busy to bother with such insignificant matters as inspecting paperwork. If you have the authorization form, as I am sure that such an ancient and loyal dragon king as yourself must, it will be trivial for me to verify the seal and be on my way."

"If, however, you do not...," added Den, trailing off ominously.

The Dragon King of the Western Sea was too old and canny to show his discomfit. He flicked his tail dismissively. "I am sure it is in my office in my palace."

Flicker arranged his face into the expression that he was sure he wore every time Piri ran amok in his office. "Law W.652 Addendum B further states that a Dragon King discharging his Duties according to the Roll of Authorized Annual Precipitation must carry his Authorization Document on his Person at all Times so that it may be presented to any Heavenly Authority who may wish to examine it."

"That's to prevent us from abusing our power and summoning storms on a whim," Den translated helpfully. "After all, it would be terrible if we stole rainwater from another dragon king to benefit our own farmers. Heaven forbid we cause an unauthorized drought!"

Clearly no one had dared confront the Dragon King of the Western Sea in a very long time, because he actually looked flummoxed. At last, the reality of the situation percolated into his head, and the winds dropped and the storm clouds smoothed out. "Ah, of course," he said. "It simply slipped my mind. I am sure it will be trivial to find it in my office. I won't trouble a representative of Heaven to make the long journey down to my humble palace. I shall have one of my clerks deliver it to you."