In Your Dreams

62 || Emmett Larkin

"You're a fucking idiot," Asher muttered as we walked down the campus hallway.

Oh, great. It must be Tell Emmett He's an Idiot o'clock. Time sure flies when every fiber of your being feels numb and empty. If that weren't enough, Asher had even changed my ringtone to a loop of him saying "idiot" over and over. I'm surprised that he hadn't steal my phone and created a calendar notification telling me that I'm an idiot for every hour of my day.

"Yes, I know," I muttered back, not bothering to turn my head toward him. "You don't have to remind me every day." I shook my head, my eyes scanning the crowd around us, hoping-no, dreading-to catch a glimpse of Phoebe. All this familiar faces and yet my heart still yearns to see the only person I'm dreading to see.

But, of course, she wasn't there. She hadn't been for days, not where I could see her. The only time I could lay eyes on her was during ethics class, the single class we shared. Even then, it wasn't enough. Every time she walked into the room, my breath hitched, and my chest ached like it was collapsing under the weight of everything unsaid.

There was that one time we locked eyes, just for a fleeting second. I had to look away before I did something stupid. Before my heart forced me to do something stupid and make our situation far worse.

How had we gone from being so close to... this? Strangers in the same orbit. It's hard to swallow the fact that calling Phoebe a stranger after all the times we were hanging out. But it is what it is, and it's only a matter of time before I've finally accepted this.

"You had, like, a week to say something," Asher said, his tone sharp and unforgiving. Oh, I thought we were done with this conversation a few days ago. My bad for thinking Asher wouldn't bring this shit back. "A whole week, Emmett. And what did you do? Nothing. You didn't ask her to stay. Didn't tell her how you felt. You let her walk away, man." He shook his head, clicking his tongue in disapproval. "You're smart, Emmett, but this ain't it."

That was it-the final crack in the dam. I snapped my head toward him, frustration boiling over. "You don't understand," I snapped. The words came out harsh, jagged. But if I didn't let it out, it was going to consume me. Unfortunately for Asher, he's the closest person I know who'll catch these pent up frustration.

"Then make me understand!" Asher barked, grabbing my shoulders and forcing me to face him. His grip was firm, steady, keeping me from walking away. "Why the hell did you let her go if you felt something for her? Why didn't you fight for her? Just once, Emmett-why didn't you ask her to stay?"

"Because it's her life!" I shouted, the words cutting through the tension like glass. "She made her choice, Asher. I didn't ask her to stay because she already decided. And who the hell am I to give her another thing to worry about when she's already dealing with so much? I love her too much to weigh her down with my selfishness." My voice cracked, the pain I'd been swallowing spilling out in waves. "I love her enough to let her live her life-even if it means I'm not in it."

Silence fell between us, thick and heavy, until Asher finally shook his head. "You're still an idiot," he said softly.

I turned to him, brow furrowed. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"You didn't even consider how she feels, did you?" Asher's voice was quieter now, almost a whisper. "You didn't think about how she might've felt when you let her walk away. After everything you shared-laughing, joking, opening up about your shitty ex-you never stopped to ask yourself if she might've fallen for you too?"

A bitter snort escaped me. "You're seriously suggesting that Phoebe Summers-Phoebe fucking Summers-fell for me?" I asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow. "Come on, Asher. She's the kind of woman who knows exactly what she wants, and she'll do whatever it takes to get it. Painful as it is, I'm not what she wants."