In Your Dreams

Prologue

Dear Diary,

It's been several weeks from the start of the semester, and I'm already exhausted from all the deadlines they're throwing at my direction. I'm not saying this because it's the professors' fault for giving me a handful of deadlines to chase, but it's my inability to stop procrastinating and cramming all of my tasks. Okay, half of it was my fault. The other half was the fault of my friends kept on pulling me around to have fun. I'm partially responsible for not even giving an ounce of resistance whenever they're pulling me out of my dorm, but it's still their fault nonetheless.

Who am I kidding? What difference does it make when I write all these down in my diary? All of my submissions wouldn't magically disappear once I've jotted it down in this notebook. It doesn't work like that. I supposed I should have started doing some of it to lessen any work in the future… But it's more fun to chat with you, Diary. It makes me feel like a little girl again. I know it's late, and I have a morning class tomorrow, but there's something really important I have to tell you, Diary.

Out of everyone I could talk to, you're the only who's going to understand. Yes, an inanimate object will understand my dilemma, deal with it, Diary. I may have lost my mind along the way, but I still get to at least release all these pent-up thoughts out of my head.

So, this may sound ridiculous but… Dreams have meaning, right? Even the weirdest dreams have a little speck of meaning on why we dream them. With that thought, here's my next question. What does it mean if you keep on seeing someone specific in your dreams? Like someone who you don't expect to be in your happy place? Well, sure, that you see this person on a daily basis—to the point that it's getting annoying. Especially when this person has a mission of losing my temper.

Do I have to write down this person's name? I think his name had been written down on several of my entries to you, Diary. I don't think I have to write his name again for this one…

His name is Emmett Larkin. There! I hope you're happy, Diary. That I've written down his name again on you. I swear on each page of my diary entry, you will see his name written down on it.

If someone grabs this Diary and decides to read numerous entries, they immediately will think I have some feelings for Emmett fucking Larkin. Despite that fact, it's the complete opposite. Nothing about him makes me want to have feelings for him. Not in a million years. His arrogant attitude will never go pass me. Sure his arrogant personality fits him being a bass player of a music band in our department. But he doesn't have to keep his personality out of band practice. The guy must have known he's really talented so he kept the arrogant attitude. Not only can he play the bass, but his voice sounds like soft clouds caressing the inside of my ears…

Oh my God, no! Why am I imagining him singing a song to me? The guy is annoying enough IRL, but he doesn't have to invade my thoughts too!

Okay, going back to the dream tangent. There's a reason why I want to talk about that. Since we're already talking about how Emmett fucking Larkin had invaded my thoughts, might as well mention it right now…

He kept on appearing in my dreams. As in every single night whenever I'm sleeping. At first, it was a fun dream about anything, then to my surprise, he appeared out of nowhere. I'm not the type to lucid dream, but for some unknown reason I feel in control whenever he appears in my dreams. Despite me being in control, I couldn't even try to punch him—I've been wanting to do that since the day his arrogance irritated me. But I couldn't do it in my dreams. Because he seems different.

Different in a good way. He's more soft-spoken and kind to me. It's like he's trying to prove that he ain't annoying as I thought he was. Throughout those dreams, it never felt wrong. It feels right for the two of us to interact like normal people would do and not how we act to each other in public. Like setting out to murder each other, nothing like that happened in my dreams. It was peaceful and lovely whenever he's around my dreams.

This doesn't mean that I'm falling for his arrogance, right, Diary? That can't be the meaning of all those dreams. Yes, I'm not exaggerating that part. Every single dream I have, from the moment I started the semester and met that asshole, he kept appearing in my dreams like thin air.

So what does it all mean? What does it mean when your rival acts nice and considerate in your dream every night? From the first few nights, I'm certain those dreams didn't have any meaning. Not even an ounce of meaning can be interpreted. It's simply my mind messing with me. But after a few more nights of him appearing in my dreams, I couldn't help but wonder the meaning of it all.

Whenever I have free time, I find myself in the campus library and read. What am I reading? Nothing that can help me finish my submissions, rather I was reading about dreams. I'm determined to find the meaning of it, even if it means sacrificing some papers to submit.

God, I sound like a mad woman writing all of these down on a piece of paper instead of talking to someone. I think there's some benefit to saying all of these to someone who can express their opinions on the matter. And yet, I'm still here, staying up past 10, writing all of these down in my diary that can't express their opinions whatsoever.

If my diary were alive, it would have scolded me for being an idiot on finding the meaning of those… meaningless dreams. Nice choice of words, it only makes me look mentally tired of it all.

I could tell all of this to my friends. But all they would do is to tease me all about Emmett Larkin. Whenever someone mentions that bastards name, at least one of them would turn their heads at me and flash me a cheeky grin. It's like what I said earlier, that asshole will find a way to torment me, especially when he ain't around.

Honestly, I don't even know what makes him want to keep on tormenting my entire college experience. The funny part is that he never acts like how he acts towards me to anyone. He only reserves his annoying arrogant attitude towards me. It really looks as if the guy has a vendetta towards me.

(Nice! I can still spell vendetta in the midst of my drowsiness. I deserve an ice cream tomorrow for this.)

Enough about Emmett fucking Larkin. I think it's time to talk about something else, Diary. All of your pages are all about Emmett at this point. So I decided to hide you from the world. If anyone find you and scan through every page, I'm going to jump off a cliff rather than explaining myself on why Emmett's name is all over my diary. Even worse, if that asshole found out about you, I would not only jump off the cliff, but I would also try to drag him with me. And we will continue out hateful tango to the afterlife.

That sounded romantic… But I didn't mean it to sound romantic. Romance and Emmett don't go well in a sentence. That only exists in my dreams. Another proof that none of it was real, and it's all just a meaningless dream scene.

Oh my God, I said enough about him. Why the hell am I still writing about the guy? I'm currently hitting my head and whispering “get out of my head,” over and over.

What do I do, Diary? Should I keep on searching for the meaning of the dream or maybe try to give myself a head concussion?

I don't know what to do. Perhaps I should just sleep this through and try to think of something tomorrow when I'm well-rested. But if I sleep now, that would mean seeing his face again in my dreams. I'd rather become an insomniac.

This will sound random and maybe a little stupid in my part… But what if Emmett dreams about me too? I mean, I know it's highly unlikely that he'll be thinking about me all day that he ends up dreaming about me. Yet what if he's conscious in my dreams? That doesn't explain his change of behavior, though.

Okay, maybe I need to sleep. I'm writing nonsense again. It's like what they said, the brain acts all loopy and worn out when it's late at night.

This will be the end of my daily entry, Diary. I sincerely hope I could find the answer to my problem soon.

Goodnight,
Phoebe