My Silent Melodies ➵ [ my life 2015-16 ]

7/23/15 • Silent Scream

I have written and rewritten this entry over and over. I'll just stop trying to send a message and just talk. I don't know where this will go, and I honestly don't care. I'm mad at myself... I'm mad because I didn't learn enough from my past, the pain resulted in nothing but hurt and scars--I've been made to feel worthless.

In all honesty?

I just want to give you some quotes and six word stories in place of my own words. I can't form thoughts and I just want to curl up and cry for a while...

"Forever doesn't always last a lifetime."

"They don't know anything about me."

"Even the best fall down sometimes."

"I am drowning in life's ocean."

"The world I loved fell apart."

"Missing people that aren't the same."

"Well, I'm really happy for you."

"Everything hurt and they didn't care."

"Know how many smiles I faked?"

"Some things are made for ending."

"At first...you will feel special."

"I can't decide if I'm happy."

"I just want to feel something."

"I've realized I don't care anymore."

"I know that you don't care."

"It's gonna hurt, because it matters."

"I don't know how to forget."

"Why do I care so much?"

"Don't lie, I won't believe it."

"Truth is: honesty fucks everything up."
Don't you agree?

"Can't you see how I cry for help?
Cause you should love me just for being myself
I'll drown in an ocean of pain and emotion
If you don't save me right away." -Silent Scream

"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy."

"People love you until they don't need you anymore."

"Words can lie. See beyond them." -Victoria Aveyard, Red Queen

"Just because I don't talk about it, doesn't mean I forget." -Katja Millay, The Sea of Tranquility

"I couldn't give you what you wanted so you left."

"Of all the lies I have ever lived, my favorite was always You and I."

"Time heals all wounds. And if it doesn't, you name them something other than wounds and agree to let them stay." -Emma Forest, Your Voice in My Head

I have made huge steps in recovering from a broken heart, but I was unaware that in my process of healing I changed. I no longer am willing to bend so easily. I'm not as flexible as I was, I'm not going to apologize for things I didn't do, I won't do things based off of hear-say and I will not let myself tolerate poison.

I mean, Michaela said it herself.

"Why are you letting someone like that stay in your life? She only makes you miserable, and you let her do this to you. You have to stand up for yourself, but I'll be next to you when you do it."

Well, I'm standing up for myself.

I'm not letting people like that rule over me anymore. And it seems...I have different people by my side as time passes me.

Funny thing is, I'm not standing up to the same people anymore, isn't that right morbidEmpire ?
You know just what I mean... I don't even have to say much for you to know. I'm so glad you have been able to help me keep a level head with all this...

- - - - -

But I guess at the end of the day, I'm still out on my roof watching the stars...alone again.