Mirae

Kapitulo 23

Kapitulo 23

Four

Fixing marriages required planning; some went to counseling, some changed behaviors, and some stopped the bad stuff that ruined marriages. Wife Cyra's plan when she came back was to fix the marriage she left. Napakatagal bago siya nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob, bago siya sumubok ulit. Tapos, pagdating niya, parang huli na—wala na yata sa plano ni Adiel ang ayusin pa ang pagsasama nila.

To say that she felt hopeless every time he rejected her meals and attempts at conversing—because she had been preparing him food just as she said in the past weeks—was an understatement. Hiyang-hiya siya tuwing babalingan lang siya ng asawa bago iwan sa bahay. Hiyang-hiya siya na hindi man lang siya binibigyan ng sagot; para bang hindi siya karapat-dapat paggamitan ng boses at hininga. Nanghihinayang siya tuwing lumalabas si Adiel ng walang pagdadalawang-isip dahil, dati, yayakap pa ito bago pumuntang trabaho. He wouldn't leave without smiling at her.

"Diel, ramen, oh, nag-aral ako paano gumawa, tikman mo," she said while showing him the bowl of hot noodles she had just made.

Adiel was walking downstairs, his hand fixing the watch he'd wear. Like usual, he glanced at her food, and even though the food looked too good to pass, he walked towards the shoe organizer. Sumunod naman ang misis niya, ngayon naman ay dala-dala ang isang bilog na container.

Dahil sa kasanayan ni Cyra, may nakahanda na agad na baon. She always expected his silence. She always expected his indifference.

And she felt as though she aged 10 years older every time her expectation was right.

"Baunin mo na lang, kung nagmamadali ka, masarap 'to, promise," she almost begged. Her tone was... almost desperate as if she was a street cat asking for crumbs.

But the husband just went on with his morning, breaking her a little more today than he did yesterday. There was no ring on his finger. Ilang beses na sinubukang hanapin ni Cyra 'yon, pero hindi niya pa rin alam saan nakalagay. Ayaw niya naman itanong sa asawa dahil baka mamaya... tinapon na.

Adiel goes to the garage and opens the gate of the house. He starts the engine and waits. Cyra stared at him and her shoulders slumped.

Paano ko ba 'to aayusin? Gusto ko na siya makausap, Cyra thought.

Perhaps, the main reason why all her attempts to talk to him were surface-level was because she didn't want to talk. She was terrified of opening up the wound she had given him almost three years ago because it might bleed again, and that was the last thing she wanted—to hurt him more than she already did. But this couldn't continue.

Kapag pinatagal, mas mahirap ayusin ang sira ng isang bagay dahil lumalala ito.

So, she would have to reopen the wound no matter what. Despite the fear of being pulled back into where she had been drowned, she had to. Talking about her child's death was a need.

For the next weeks, wala siyang ibang ginawa kundi ang hanapan ng tiyempo kung kailan niya puwedeng kausapin si Adiel. Pero palagi itong umiiwas, hindi madali. Hanggang sa isang araw, hinawakan niya ito sa braso.

"Diel, please," she pleaded. "Kailangan natin mag-usap, I want to talk to you."

Marahas na binawi ng lalaki ang kaniyang kamay. "Ano ba?!" he spat. "Ayaw kitang kausapin."

Adiel was wearing a jacket that had zippers on its side, and because of the harsh removal of Cyra's hand, he accidentally cut a part of her palm. But she hid it by making a fist.

"Kailangan natin mag-usap. I want to fix this, I want to fix us," Cyra repeated. "Please? Kailangan natin 'to pag-usapan. Kahit murahin mo 'ko, sigawan mo 'ko, basta kausapin mo na 'ko."