Neurotic (Jason McCann)

Chapter 67

Jason's POV

One month later: December 12th

Sadness, deep depression, anxiety, self loathing... self harm, complete and utter lowness. That's all I've been feeling for this entire month. I'm sad and I feel like shit every single day. My mom can't even make me happy, and she's my mother. There's only three people who can make my life a bit better. And sending pictures from a block number won't do that.

Yes, a fucking blocked number. I know it's Malarie, because she sends pictures of Jacob and Natasha. They are getting so big. Natasha's face is starting to change a little, and it's only been a month. Jacob has a head full of curls- he's four months now. Thanksgiving was nothing like it was last year- last year we started dating. Now we're broken up and apart.

It's Christmas time again, and I've recently learned I'm an emotional shopper. I buy stuff when I'm sad- it's better than cutting up my body. A couple of weeks ago, I nearly plunged a knife into my neck. My mom brought out the belt, whooping some sense into my messed up head. I never thought about sticking a knife in my neck again, but that doesn't stop my cutting of my wrist.

"Why are we at this farm again?" Alex groaned, leaning up against the counter we were waiting at. "I told you in the car. I have to buy my little girl a white pony." Getting emotional and sad again, Alex halted my crying actions.

"Okay, okay man. Let's get this cute white pony, eh?" I nodded my head, wiping my eyes with the back of my sleeve. "Yeah." I place my shades over my now puffy eyes, waiting patiently.

"We have the horse that you have selected." A Caucasian man with a thick country accent, wobbled to the front of the counter. "Uh we said pony, not horse. Meaning we want a little one." Taking my hat off my head, I sit it on the counter.

"I know, but I'm giving you the mama horse and the little pony. Whatever you're going through, just know it's going to get better son." Sniffing a bit, I nod my head. "Thank you..."

"Billy, you can call me Billy." He held out his chubby hand, and I gladly shook it. "Thank you Billy." I smiled widely, as Alex shook his hand as well.

"Do y'all boys want to ride some of the horses?" Alex and I looked at each other, smiling from ear to ear. "Hell yeah we do!" We happily followed him out the office, to the main barn area.

"Billy that's not a good idea." Some older woman tugged his arm back, shaking her head. "Why in the hell not Lauren. "They're not good, Billy and I don't want any problems." Alex and I exchanged a glance towards one another.

"Well that alright Billy, my brother and I have place to be anyway." Alex smiled politely, waving the subject off. "Nah, y'all boys will ride some damn horses. You go on back inside Lauren, and let us men do our thing." He waved her off, only for her to point a stern finger at us.

"You two are trouble, you're nothing but heathens. I watch the news, I know of what you are!" She stormed out the building, going somewhere. "My wife is so dang on overdramatic, let's go on boys." We nodded a bit hesitantly, not sure this was a good idea.

:::

"Jason bring your ass!" Alex called out, laughing at the same time. "Bro I'm trying, I would wear worn out, small jeans to a barn." I motion my horse to catch up with Alex.

"Only you would have tight skinny jeans in your closet." I had to chuckle at his fact. "I used to be into the stuff man, you know I wear drop crotch, or baggy jeans now." He rolled his eyes, picking up his speed.

Placing my earphones in my ear, I turn up my music and ride the horse trail we were on. It's funny how I wore a cowboy hat today, along with my boots. I actually look like a real cowboy- well says the people who saw me today. Me wearing my shades, gives me a bad boy- cowboy look. I'm criminal McCann Jones.