Captain

Scrapped Storylines and Bloopers #11

Classification: Book Three Lost Chapter

Explanation: Picks up right where the last one left off. 

Steve gets the quinjet off the ground and headed towards the compound, it'll be an hour at least so I try to get out of his way. Not that I was in his way to begin with, but that's the thing I don't know how he operates anymore. So I stay out of the cock pit and in the back of the jet. I try as hard as I can to not let myself fall down the spiral of doom, which is hard. To that I pace around the cargo bay, focusing on my steps, counting them carefully, trying to be as quiet as possible. This helped keep me occupied.

"Y/n," I jumped like a kid who just got caught eating candy after specifically being told not to as Steve sicks his head out of the cock pit. I know I've reprimanded Elle for that exact thing. "You want to come sit in the cockpit?" With me. I add for him.

I want to believe he's offering me an invitation. Nothing too much, nothing too fast, nothing that holds any weight, no pressure. I want to sit with him however, I am afraid I'll either give him the coldest of shoulders or absolutely word vomit all over him. Or just break down completely. But I should accept his invitation.

I nod and go take the seat next to him in the very cramped space. It's fine.

After we sit there for a few long minutes, the silence is crippling. Sitting next to him feels almost okay. At least it's nice to be sitting with someone, an adult, after living in a world that revolved around a two year old for so long. Just sitting in the presence of one another would be perfect, had the world not just come to a screeching halt.

The ache in my left hand pulls my attention away from the depressing thoughts circling my mind. I began rubbing it with my other hand. This became my tell after I was kidnapped all those years ago. Before I could hide my anxiety, worry, or hurt. Not anymore. The lasting nerve damage always flared up in times of destress. It was so annoying and it hurt like a bitch. And rubbing it didn't help one bit, it was just a way to make me think I had some control. Like a placebo effect.

"Would you... let me?" Steve's voice pulled my attention off the clouds. With furrowed brows, he looked down at my hand with worry. I hadn't noticed him watching.

"What?" I asked with bewilderment. He gestured to my hands.

"Would you let me help you?" His voice was soft and I realized what he was asking. Which wasn't out of the norm, he used to do it all the time. I think Steve felt guilty for not saving me before I endured lasting damage and this was one of the only ways he could really help me.

"Sure," I held my hand out to him. Because no matter how hesitant I was, there was no way I could say no.

Steve took my hand gently and we touched for the first time in two years. It's not as electric or magical as I'd spent hours imagining. It just was. I wonder if half the universe hadn't just disappeared from existence if our first meeting would have been like I had envisioned before bed each night. Or would it be just as lack luster?

He rubbed and massaged up and down my scar ridden hand. I forgot how well he did this. Each movement and push methodic, like muscle memory. He does it better than I ever could. When I do it my movements are harsh and frantic. By now I'm too focused on him to remember the pain anyway, that's how it always goes.

As he continues, Steve works his focus up to my fingers, massaging circles into each one. I see it before he does, my naked ring finger. My heart drops as his motion halts and he stares at the place where my wedding ring should be.

It's not how it looks, I swear, I think.

To my surprise, he says nothing and continues on.

"Steve," I break the silence of the cock pit. He looks up at me as I'm pulling the chain around my neck out from under my shirt. On it my engagement ring, wedding band, and Steve's dog tags dangle. "It's right here."

He doesn't say anything and instead just blinks at me.

Steve must've had a comm in and someone must have just started talking, because he suddenly stiffened and began to stream out coordinates into thin air, and definitely not to me. We were close to the compound. It had been long enough and I knew this horizon as well as I knew the back of my own daughters head.

"Actually," Steve continued his conversation with the person on the other side of the comms, "we'll meet you inside. It'll be easier to have everyone in one place."

~~~~~~

Steve grabs our bags and we head into the compound. Never in all the times I've been here has it ever been this quiet. A chill crept over my body, dragging a sick feeling along with it.

Yes, Ellie was gone and that felt very real. But other than the quick glimpse of chaos at the police station, I hadn't seen any other evidence of this snap as Steve called it. Was I about to see how truly hopeless the situation is? How screwed we were?

"Everyone's in the living room," Steve laid a hand on my back guiding me. I shrugged off his touch. I know where the living room is, I don't need him to guide me. I just don't want to go there.

~~~~~~

Following behind Steve, we entered the living area. As I took in all the occupants of the room my stomach sank with dread. Natasha, Rhodey, Thor, Bruce. That was it. Don't get me wrong I was happy that they were still with us, but it didn't give me much hope.

"This- this is everyone?" I looked up at Steve in disbelief. All he could do was nod. "Oh..."

"Well," Natasha spoke up shakily, "we're still trying to get in touch with some of the others. The ones who weren't with us in Wakanda. But the world is in chaos. Networks are down so it's been difficult to get a hold of anyone who's not here."

"Oh," I nodded not thinking about that.

Nat's eyes jumped between me and Steve, searching, neck craning, hoping to get a glimpse of her goddaughter hiding behind us. "Ellie?"

"She's gone," I whispered. The words made Steve grimace. Natasha slumped with her elbows on the back of the couch hiding her face in her hands. Rhodey did something similar.

"Ellie?" Thor asked almost distraught, seeing the others reaction to the news.

It'd been so long since I'd seen him, it didn't occur to me that he never knew Elle.

"Ellie... um..." I rubbed a hand over my face then over my hair, "she's our daughter." I gestured between me and Steve.

"Oh! Oh gods!" I've never seen Thor so upset. "I-I'm sorry (Y/N). I'm so sorry." 

Thor pushed past me and Steve, practically running out of the room. He had a worse reaction to that news than I did.

"Wha-" I looked around the room in utter confusion hoping someone would explain.

"I'll go talk to him," Steve patted me on the shoulder then turned to follow after Thor. I was left baffled at the entire situation. 

"He blames himself," Rhodey spoke up, "Thor had the best chance out of all of us to stop Thanos. He got this close. But in the end it just wasn't enough."

"Oh..."

A sorrow flooded the room, it was so thick I was practically choking. Everyone looked the most defeated I've ever seen them.

"I think I need some air..." I muttered before turning to rush out of the room. However, before I could get into the hall I tripped over something.

"Aye! What the hell lady!" A very angry gruff voice called out. I looked down and almost screamed.

"AH!" I stared down at the little raccoon man. "Sorry?"

"You better be lady or I'll-"

"Rocket," Natasha barked, "(Y/N) just got here. She had no idea to watch out for you. We don't usually have guests from... out of town."

"Yeah," I stared bug eyed at the creature, "I'm so sorry. I didn't know we had guests."

"Well look out next time." 

Baffled I stood frozen for a second before remembering that I was headed outside to get air.

~~~~~